my lady.

Some of you may have immediately thought this post was about my mom, my grandmother, my new dog (it's not, still dog-less), or even my favorite clerk at the grocery store. Alas, it's more inappropriate than that. 

You see, yesterday was my yearly doctor's appointment. Yes, THAT kind of yearly appointment. Don't worry, potential gentlemen followers, this does not get graphic...just embarrassing. 

I went to my doctor's office, which I L-O-V-E-LOVE, and got called back to get my weight/height measured (ugh) and my blood pressure taken. The nurse taking my blood pressure was SO NICE. Seriously, she was super friendly. After asking the name of my GP, we got to talking about how wonderful my GP is (seriously, best doctor ever) and how much we love her. I was really excited that this nurse had the same general doctor as me because...she's the greatest ever. 

So, my nurse practitioner comes in and we do the breast exam and start talking about my job. She asked me all about my students and said, "Oh! So you teach all the kids with no teeth?" So true. Anyway, she asks me to scoot down so we can get started on the exam. All of the ladies know they typically call in a nurse. Sure enough, she calls in the same nurse who took my blood pressure. **This is the ridiculous part.** The nurse comes back in, cheery as ever, and says, "Oh! I knew you looked familiar! You teach at [insert the name of my school here]! I'm Cruz & Diego's grandmother!" Then, to the doctor, "She's taught my grandsons for three years in a row!"

yup. 

Let that sink in. 

yup.

My only possible response, "Ooooh! Well, you now know me better than anyone else at [school]." Yup. You've seen my lady. Don't get me wrong, I realize that, to them, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. But for me? This was a little bit horrific. There was no need to get another nurse, she was already holding things and had seen behind the sheet. But really? Oh man. The best part was, on the way out the door, "Make sure you tell the boys that Nonna says 'hi'!" 

Sure will. I really hope they don't understand where you work. 

***I am hoping (fingers are literally crossed, which makes it riDICulous to type) to move my blog and be better about blogging so PUH-LEEEASE (with cherries on top) follow me once I tell you where I move. :) I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather!***

my attempt at a series: Things I Never Thought I'd Say

"Where is the pig, *student*?! GIVE ME THE PIG."

Yup. I can't even try to explain that. There is no explanation besides...ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

Also- I'm really good (like, a pro) at taking things from kids. Seriously, I'm SO good that a kid tried to steal from my desk when I was gone...that's how much stuff I have of his. I have his Nintendo DS, 2 Bakugan toys, 4 Beyblade spinners (I don't really know what they are either), a trading card and a GameCube disc. Yup. 

So, my girl has a Justin Bieber watch. What?! Who doesn't love the Biebs?! The boys in my class, that's who. Anyhow, my girl is playing with her brand-spanking-new-pink-plastic-Justin-Bieber watch and I tell her that if she plays with it again, it's mine. Well, needless to say, that happened. She was playing at her desk & I took it. You have to know, my favorite part of taking things (like her necklace full of Silly Bandz that I took in September), is gloating that I own it...so I walk away going, "Sweet! New watch! Nothin' like a little Biebs on my wrist!" Really? As these words are coming out of my mouth I'm thinking, "Biebs on your wrist, Jessica? You're nuts."

The kids loved it. What the heck. They may make me crazy, but at least they laugh at my crazy. 

P.S. For anyone who cares (I know you all are on the edges of your metaphorical seats), I have some posts of fun things we've been doing lately. I'm pretty pumped. Hopefully, there are lots of changes in my/our life/lives coming up soon! Hooray!

things i never expected to say...

So- I'm going to try to start a "series" on this blog. I mean, who am I kidding? I will have a difficult time keeping up any kind of "series" and sometimes my kids give me no material. Today, however? Yes. 


Installment #1 of "Things I Never Thought Would Come Out of My Mouth"

"SERIOUSLY?! YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU JUST TIED YOURSELF TO A BOOK CART?!?!?!"


And no, there is no preface. We started to leave for the day and my line was stuck because a child had tied himself to the book cart. What. The. Heck. 


Happy Tuesday! :) 

cuteness. personified.

Anyone who has mentioned the word j-o-b to me in the last two years has heard how much I L-O-V-E mine. My kids are adorable. Seriously. Freaking. Adorable. I have 8 students this year that I have had in years past. That bond is strong. The additional 13 kids that I have gotten the pleasure of teaching this year are also incredible and never cease to make me smile...well, almost never. 

Today we were discussing Grammar: what you learn to make your writing sound better. Yes, right now we're focusing on grammar in writing, not in speaking...baby steps. I have used the example of things they say, "Is we going to lunch yet?" Ummm. Yeah. Baby. Steps. 

So today we discussed Questions vs. Statements. I was giving them an example because they were confused with the "being" verbs (He was running. -they said there was no "what" in his sentence...) so I told them, "I am 26." Immediately one of my girls replied, "But you look young!" Soon backed up by another student, "Really young! You do!" 

Uhhhhh...thanks, guys.  

So also,  today I told my kids that my favorite day this week was Saturday. Some of my sweet, intuitive girls knew that it was because my husband is coming home so they wrote me cards on their own paper. Things like, "Miss Willis, I hope you have a great day on Saturday. I know you've missed him very much..."


and then my favorite one of the day...


"You're the double best teacher I could ever have."


See why my j-o-b is so awesome?

Well well...when it rains it pours. That apparently is the case with life events and my blogging. I get behind, I stop blogging, I read books (or don't) and then it all catches up at once. This is a normal old blog post in case you subscribe in a reader (which I assume you don't, but it boosts my confidence to dream)...but there's nothing fun and literary. Not even pictures.

I know. I suck.

Last week was my last week of school. Yes. I cried. 

In fact, that may not even being to describe it. Wednesday went a little like this...get kids settled, FIRE DRILL @ 9:25 (not a drill, actually, a kitchen sensor went off and we had to evacuate...with parents in the building for an awards assembly), rush kids back in the building to start the 9:30 awards assembly, get them seated and realize that my awards are in the wrong order, squat in the floor putting them in the right order, get called up right after that, and get ready to present awards...oh, and I forgot to mention, get an email that leaves me hanging so I'm freaking out until I find out what it's about...awesome. Have I mentioned patience is not a virtue I possess? 

That brings me to presenting my awards. I love crowds. I also hate crowds. When I have to speak in front of parents/colleagues/administrators, I have a serious fear that I sound/look 12 years old and they think I'm an idiot. So, I start presenting my awards and thank all of my amazing parents/grandparents/students and then I get emotional and my throat closes up and my eyes water. *cue voice in my head* No, Jessica. Not right now. You have to stop looking like a wuss.*

Deep breath. Get it together. 

OK. Keep reading awards...finish assembly. Victory?

No. We got back to the classroom where I presented superlative-type awards based on talents that may not be academic/data-based. I had amazing kids (in case you didn't notice) who were silly, creative, artistic, athletic, sensitive, caring, and full of knowledge. I gave awards accordingly. So...all of the parents come in and stand near their child or in the back of the room. The kids are eager to know what other awards they're getting (they'd already received at least 2) and then the tears pour (yes, I used bold, italic, and underline--it was that bad) down my face. I tried to thank them for sharing their kids. I tried to talk about how great their kids were and how much I love them. I lost the battle. I actually asked them to give me a second because (oh yeah, my contacts completely disintegrated and I was wearing my glasses) I couldn't read the names/titles on the certificates. 

Pathetic.

To make things more insane...my good friend Jess called me asking if I had a place to stay because she needed to move out of her current housing and find a place until August 1st. Now, many of you may not know Jess but, she's awesome so it is super exciting to have her staying with me for 6 weeks. Many of you may not know me well but, I'm super broke, so the extra money helps. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a good enough person to let people stay rent free. Also, Jess is too wonderful not to offer. I tell ya, she rocks. Anyway, I've known Jess for years and it's super fun  to have someone else around. The cats LOVE it. Seriously, I'll take pictures of Cricket being INSANE because he loves having the attention of someone new. It's hilarious.

Also, my dear friend Brice and his lovely girlfriend, Emily were coming to stay for a wedding they were going to this past weekend...and I got way behind when packing up for the school year so I had to stay and pack things (still not finished) in my classroom that I hadn't thought I would pack. So...in 3 days I rearranged my shed, cleared out the guest room (don't look in my office), cleaned the bathroom, moved furniture, and packed up almost all of my classroom. Then I had 3 new people in my house (which was super fun), still had a boyfriend with poison ivy (finally clearing up after more than a week, poor guy-- did I mention my yard looks good?), and- oh right- took him home to meet my entire family. Then my stomach started killing me like it hasn't done in two months. As I drove back from Spotsylvania last night I casually mentioned to him that, oh yeah, my doctor said I shouldn't stress because it might flare up my stomach. Oops. 

Super upsides of the weekend: amazing company, a great new roommate, healing poison ivy, and getting to see two of my ADORABLE girls in a dance/gymnastics recital that they ROCKED! :-)

Anyway, today was the first day of summer. I went to two sessions that will take care of some professional development guilt that I had and tomorrow I'm going to pack the rest of my room. Wednesday? Beach? Obviously. 

how is my favorite Diegos doing?

I have a student whose name is Diego.  He is the one who missed me all the way from his table about a month ago. Diego is adorable, very cute, and sometimes a little distracted from what's going on. For example, we'll be moving in line and he will be looking around at the pictures on the wall so I have to say, "Go Diego, Go!" I do apologize for my blatant misuse of his name. However, when he brings his lunchbox with the cartoon character Diego on it, I can't help but get caught up in the catchphrase!

Anyhow, Diego has a little brother who is in Kindergarten and I happen to adore some of the Kindergarteners in his class. I have a friend named Galileo, a friend named Alexandra, and a new friend named Ivan. Ivan constantly says to me, "Hey, you're Diego's teacher." So, today my Kindergarten friends were walking in from recess with their class. I looked at them and said, "Hi! How is my favorite Kindergarten class doing?!", to which Ivan replied, "How is my favorite Diegos doing?"

Excellent question, friend. I don't know what it means, but if I find some Diegos, I will most certainly tell you how is they doing.

long time, no see.

So, I haven't written in quite some time. To be honest, I've had a lot of struggles lately in my head. I've learned the following things:


1. I have a difficult time saying "no" if I feel like it might bother people.
2. I have a difficult time staying busy on weeknights and staying free on weekends.
3. I crave free weekends.
4. Despite my longing to keep people and not let them go and my distinct desire to be in touch with all parts of my past, people will not always stay connected. Facebook is deceitful when it says you will be "Friends" forever. It's not bad, it just is. And it's unfortunate for people like me who don't like letting go.
5. It's much harder for me to read books after I've seen movies, emotionally speaking.
6. Sometimes, no matter what you do, people will be upset with you. Either people think I'm too nice or too mean. It stresses me out and as much as I always loved being "apathetic", it really bothers me when people I care about disagree with things I do.
7. I don't make enough quality "me" time.
8. I really need to be more organized at my house...and at my job.
9. I miss the beach.
10. I am going to cry when my kids leave on June 17th.


Anyhow, I'm reading The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I saw the movie in August and cried my eyes out. Cried. My. Eyes. Out. I have never been so emotional at a movie (besides "The Shawshank Redemption") and I was completely blown away. So I knew friends that had read it and said it wasn't that different and the movie was still good. So I decided to read the book. It's great. It's longer than I anticipated. I'm loving it. However, because I saw the movie, I know what's coming. I see all of the foreshadowing and it's hard for me to read it quickly. Too emotional. I think I need to read some light, fun, ridiculousness for awhile after this book.


My kids have been awesome this week. I was reading them a poem this week about bears & lions. I asked my kids which animal they'd rather be: lion or bear. I had some kids say, "Lion, because they roar." or "Bear, because they have sharp claws." Then I call on one girl...sitting directly in front of me...who answers, "Both, because they can make babies." Sixteen and pregnant, anyone?


Also...reading testing. My children are reading word lists. This went as follows: "lesson-moment-worse-hurt-raper-needle..." The word was repair. Oh man. I shouldn't laugh about these things...but it's pretty freaking funny. I can't lie.


Oh yeah, I'm gonna cry like a tear-duct-disabled-chef with 30 pounds of onions to chop.

funny things kids say...

Reading tests are, by far, the funniest experiences of my life. Most of the time, my kids try to be funny. They say clever things...scream out funny words...or make silly faces. However, during a reading test, they're trying their hardest to be serious...and if they have trouble reading, they come up with good good stuff.

Today's reading test moment of the day..."Kevin's other brother used the wagon to make a f-ahhhh...f...aaahhh...f...aaahhh..rrrrrr...fart. Kevin's other brother used the wagon to make a fart...to make a fart...to make a FORT! Kevin's other brother used the wagon to make a FORT!"

Might I just add...the lovely student had NO idea they had said fart about 6 times...so I was left to stifle laughter...and exhilarated when they finally came up with fort. :) I love my kids.

i am forgetful.

I wanted to share two things about my breed of crazy: #1- I love...let me repeat...LOVE my students this year so much that I had a dream this weekend that they were in 5th grade and I was still their teacher (yet somehow in present-day) and I was writing them all letters at the end of the year telling them about the people I knew they were and who they could be...how proud I was of them, etc. Anyway, I ended up sobbing because I loved them, threatening them if they didn't email me throughout middle and high school, and waking myself up because I was so emotional. Then I felt even more guilty for taking off Friday. Personal days and I just can't work. I have guilt like the Catholic Church (no offense, Catholics, just a cliche).

#2- I love to share stories even if EVERY other teacher in the world has experienced them. So here goes, they're special-er and cuter because they're MY kids. :) So I have a student who was gone for 3 weeks because he went to Mexico for a family situation and then had a crappy situation when they got home too. It was really sad and he didn't deserve to have a crappy month of February. However, it all worked out and he's back at school and everything's working out for them. Yay!
Anyhow, he came to my back table to ask me a question the other day because he needed something...or something? I don't remember the particulars. However, he came back and said, "Hey Ms. Havens...I really missed you."...and I said, "When, [insert male student name]?"...and he said, "I really missed you when you were over here and I was at my desk working. I just missed you."

WEFKJAWE;GLKJWE G;LKAJEWF AWEF WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE?!

I love my kids. :)

xoxo. gossip girl? haha, no. just me. well...there are def. times in my life that nickname would've worked, but alas, I'm supposed to be a grown-up now. ;)

heads up, 7 up.

I have a child sliding across the floor underneath kids' tables. Wanna know why? He's seeing if other people are peeking during "heads up, 7 up" aka everyone's favorite recess game. Duh. So anyway, I hear the "swoosh" of running pants on the floor...and there he is...sliding under tables to look at people's eyes. Funniest kids ever. Holy crap. I can't even take how hilarious they are. If I had permission, I would post the videos I have on my phone of the same kid dancing all over the carpet. Ridiculous. :)

Run, Run as fast as you can!...

You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!

So...just a quick update. The holidays are upon us and we are all getting excited about watching the Polar Express and learning about the holidays. Before we start on the official holiday celebrations...the Kindergarten teachers read different versions of the Gingerbread Man story. Well, because they're far better teachers than I, they crumbled up Christmas cookies throughout the hallways and had their kids "hunt" for the Gingerbread Man who is running rampant through my school. Amazing. What I wouldn't give to eat a cookie. So my kids were in the hallway as a pack of Kindergarteners were searching for Gingy and they were asking questions about whether or not he was real. I informed them, of course, that he was real and he was hiding somewhere in the school but the Kindergarteners were going to find him so maybe we could get a piece. Hah. So as we walked I see one of my students walking with his hands on his hips...very authoritatively. I ask him, "Why are you walking like that?" and he looks around and sniffs, "I can smell it. I can smell his fear...the Gingerbread Man's fear, I mean."

Love them. :)

Update...finally.

So my children are full of exciting knowledge. We've recently discusse da lot of things they've never seen before. They also (apparently) are very worldly and watch the news on a regular basis. Anyway, 63 days in I still love and adore them and one asked me today if I'd be in 2nd grade when he went too. Adorable. So here are a few little things that have happened in the last 2 weeks...

1. First thing in the morning, 9 a.m. or so...a child is writing down spelling words and then stands up and shouts, "MS. HAVENS! I heard this on the news..."..."Yes?"..."A BOY NAMED TIGER WOODS CHEATED WITH HIS WIFE?!"...a few subtleties were lost in translation. Hah. But at least he knows what's on the real news? Which brings me to my real issue...WHY IS THAT ON THE NIGHTLY NEWS ALL THE TIME?!

Anyway, moving on...We talked about when it was good to be quiet and when it was good to make noise. One girl raises her hand and says..."It's good to be quiet when your mom tells you to stop crying and be quiet. And then you keep throwing a fit and she yells at you and says if you don't be quiet you're never leaving your room again." Times like these I don't wonder why my kids have no constructive discipline.

Another kid said..."It's good to stay quiet when you're camping because you don't want to wake up any animals." So I said, "You're right...it wouldn't be good to wake up a bear." and a 2nd child whispers..."or a rhino..." WHERE ARE YOU CAMPING?!

OK...so now for two stories about my favorite kid ever. First of all, my darling went to the Smithsonian yesterday in D.C. and skipped school. He told me he had a great time but...(and this is where I love that little kids have no filter)..."We had some trouble when we were leaving. See my stepdad wouldn't listen to my mom about how to leave...so we had some 'problems'." I'm sure his parents appreciate that little window into their personal life. Also, we discovered a woodpecker outside of our window last week and we took pictures because they've never seen one before. Sweet...so apparently the bird came back because the kid runs over to me and yells, "MS. HAVENS! I SEE A PECKER OUT THERE!!!!!"

I love them. :)

ohhhh baby children

So today I didn't have children. I got to think about lots of fun things from my kiddos lately. I found notes about them that I've written. Apparently...we talked about truckers recently. I do remember this, it's not apparent, I guess. So I asked the kids what kind of trucks you'd like to ride in...and they told me: dump trucks, fire trucks, ice cream trucks (my personal favorite)...and then...bump trucks. Ok. I said...dump trucks? No. Bump trucks. Ummm ok? So. Apparently...a bump truck is a truck that goes up and down in the back. WHAT?! I love these kids...and their social exposure.

So...the adorable story of the day. A little girl...who's since moved came up to me one day while we were packing up and asked me, "Ms. Havens, what's young?" And I replied, "Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" So she went on to say..."I need to know what young is." and so I tried to say, "Well...there's young and old..." and she said..."No...I mean, is it 6 or 7?" and I said, "6 or 7?" and she said, "Yeah...you said 'young ladies pack up your bookbags.' Does that mean 6 or 7?" Oohhhhh children who don't know what "young ladies" are...I love you. And I actually miss a child who moved. :)

rewriting history...and science?

Don't get me wrong. My children are amazing and wonderful and smart. They're fabulous. I really love them. Even with 25 of them there, I absolutely love them.

My favorite thing to watch is the evolution of writing. However, with this also comes the realization that they don't have the power to re-write history and science with their creativity and lack of spelling/word-sounding-out-skills.

So today, I present 2 journals, written by the same lovely young lady. She singlehandedly decided to rewrite Christopher Columbus' sexuality and the sexual habits of ants. Should I be worried that she writes in sexual innuendo? Perhaps. Anyhow, she's wonderful. So backstory: we read a story in the reading textbook about ants. It briefly discussed their habits, lifestyle, etc. The whole purpose was for them to know what a nonfiction text was and how it used real pictures during the book. So...they had to write about ants that day in their journal...reflect on the text and what they learned...

This lovely child wrote: "ants dig hoz."

That's write. Ants dig hoes. They love 'em. Yeah, it's supposed to be holes...but after reading 8 million journal entries on ants...I tend to giggle incessantly at these things.

So...6 days later was Columbus Day. Columbus Day is of course the day when most people get out of work. Not me. Not my kids...unless their parents keep them home because they get off of work and obviously need to keep their kids home too. Ridiculous.

I digress...after they learn about Columbus and we briefly discussed the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria...his long travel...the lack of support...Ferdinand/Isabella...I had them write about what they learned about Columbus.

Apparently she learned that "Columbus had 3 ships and 9 men." The ocean is a long and lonely place, my friends. And Columbus learned that...ahem...the hard way.

I love my job. :)

the tooth fairy is on a 2-week pay cycle.

So, I'm sitting in class yesterday and a kid comes RUNNING up to me.

Backstory: On Friday, two children had teeth so loose that they were bleeding all afternoon. Seriously, blood all over their hands all afternoon because they could not STOP wiggling their teeth with their fingers. Ew. Seriously. Ew.
I basically told them that if it wasn't out by Monday I'd pull it out myself. So Monday morning they both have their teeth out and are constantly telling me that we need to update the "tooth chart" so we can put tallies for their teeth lost in October.

Back to Tuesday morning...

We forgot to do the calendar on Monday because things were out of control...so the little boy comes up to me and says, "Ms. Havens, ya know that tooth I lost? Well it's in a drawer at home." To which I cautiously reply..."whyyyy?" and he says, "Well, it's in the drawer because my mom *and the tooth fairy* don't get paid until Thursday so I can't get the money yet."

#1- Why do you give your kids so much money that you don't have it until payday?
#2- Why does your kid believe that the tooth fairy is paid on your pay cycle? '

Holy crap. I may never have kids.

Pee. Ball Sack.

So. Step one of Monday...


Let's go to recess. We do this and one of my darling students (who, mind you, is never an issue about restrooms) asks me if she can go to the bathroom. Well, we don't go to the bathroom at recess. We go after lunch (before music...which is immediately before recess). End of story. So I say...wait until we go inside.

Terrible. Idea.

Cue small child saying, "Mrs. Havens...someone needs you and the nurse..." Uhhhh crap. So my lovely incontinent child is sitting up on the faux rock wall and I can see liquid running down all of its ripples...great.

So, I make her get up and get another teacher to walk her to the nurse. We also thought it might be a good idea (after hours of training on handling bodily fluids) to let the office/custodians know that someone peed on the playground and it should be cleaned. It has literally run down the rock wall...like a slinky of liquid. Disgusting.

CUE CHILDREN STILL RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE ROCKS!!!!!

So, I stood at recess for 25 minutes yelling, "STAY OFF THE ROCK WALL!?!?!?!?!?!" and at some points literally pulling children down to keep them from putting their hands in urine. Disgusting. They feel liquid on their hands and wipe it on their jeans. Ew. Seriously. Ew. So, my friend comes out and says, "Brace yourself. The office says we don't have a hose so leave it because it's supposed to rain." My mind literally goes *BOOM* and explodes. My eyes must've looked blank and/or angry because she said, "Like I said, stay calm." So we proceed to take the walkie-talkie from another teacher and radio the custodian on our own because apparently...APPARENTLY the office doesn't have to do the training for bodily fluids.

Let's backtrack to this morning...
Today was the day we start reading groups. Awesome. Ish. I mean, it was fine and my kids were good and they did their work and did well reading, etc. However, during reading groups we get to do some little alphabet sound sorts...play little games...read a little book. Literally, a *little* book. They are maybe 8 pages with one sentence on each page (for the easier reading groups). So, I take out the lesson plan and see that today's New Book is "Play Ball"...which is a lame book that we get from our reading textbook series...but to these kids...it's like gold because they can read it. And I love promoting success. :)

So, we're taking a "picture walk", which basically means looking at *just* pictures (no words) and trying to predict what will happen. So...short story long...some animals (rabbit and bird) are waiting in the park for their friend (Zack the bear). [This week's "sound" is -ck so these words are *super* prevalent.] So Zack is carrying this GIANT bag of baseball equipment. They say that Zack is bringing his sack if you're reading the text which we're NOT because it's a picture walk. So...I flip through the pages and have them predict what they'll do at the end (obviously play baseball). And we get to the page after Zack arrives on the scene and I say...

"What do you think Zack has in his BALL SACK?!"

At which point I look around to make sure none of my kids realize this is really disturbing/hilarious...and giggle for a few minutes while they think I've lost my mind.

I love my job.