Saturday, December 24, 2011

happiness and cheer.'s Christmas time. It's Christmas Eve. Weird. I've had a super difficult time with holidays this year. Fall and winter are my absolute favorites (especially November & December) and, despite my endless birthday countdown, I didn't feel like my birthday was very exciting. Then Thanksgiving was HUGE because we hosted (there's a post already written that won't post for some reason), but it still kinda...snuck up. It felt more like everyone was coming over for a family event than that it was THANKSGIVING. I don't think it helped that it was SO different than our normal holiday made it hard to realize that we were still having the same holiday. I'm bad at change, in case you hadn't noticed. 

So, now it's Christmas. The trees are up...OK, one isn't decorated, but it's in our room, so nobody else cares. We have garlands outside for the first time, we made Christmas treats a week ahead of time, our gifts came in AT budget perfectly, everything's good. So, my question is, why doesn't it feel like Christmas is TOMORROW?! I'm pretty sure the fever blister that has inhabited my face isn't helping, but still.

Last year, we were in a very different place (literally and figuratively). This time last year we were sitting vigil for my stepfather who was losing his battle to cancer. We had planned out our entire Christmas route/schedule and it all got completely changed, haha. That's what we get for planning, apparently. Even so, our tree had been up, our house was decorated, it FELT like Christmas. It was sad Christmas, sure, but it was still Christmas. This year, nope. Our house probably hasn't ever looked this good at Christmas. It's way cleaner, there's less clutter, our tree rocks my socks...but something isn't right. I feel ridiculous saying this because there's NO reason for it and nothing I can pinpoint. I feel petulant, but it's not that I'm not getting presents like I did as a child or that I'm not excited about Santa because I'm grown. In fact, we saw Arthur Christmas the other night and it further reinforced my belief that the Santa thing actually could happen. The Christmas music has been on the radio since before Thanksgiving and I've faithfully listened. Singing Christmas hymns at church has been my favorite part of every Sunday, as usual, but it still is not here. 

I'm not sure if it's not having Steve here that's doing it. Maybe it's the billion other changes that have taken place this year. None of the changes we've experienced have particularly been bad, but it's all different...and, like I mentioned before, I'm bad at change. Everything just seems off. But, since I can't figure out what "it" is that's missing,

I think I'll just blame it on the fever blister. 

Hope that you & yours have a fabulous Christmas! We'll be at church tonight & tomorrow for my favorite services of the year! See ya later with some Christmas photos from our little blue house. :) 

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