Jessica's World

passing the time

2012-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

I alternate between two extremes: busy and lazy. I hate being busy. I love being busy. I'm going to sound REALLY bipolar in this. I just, I love to keep busy because I feel super unproductive when I'm not busy...hence, the lazy. Seriously though, if I'm not busy (the month of July), I get nothing done. Nothing. At. All. So, I wondered how I pass the time tonight. I mean, typically it's in to-do lists, report card deadlines, meetings, 100th days of school, hours on the clock. Then, I realized (through a long system of tangents in my not-so-sane mind) that it's a lot of weird little things that represent "times" to me.

Nothing in this post is particularly important. Everything in this post is particularly important. What I mean is, the conversation tonight wasn't abnormal, but it did start me thinking of how we pass time. My husband said something to me and I thought of how weird it was. Anyway, let me start at the beginning.

He agreed to go get me a milkshake tonight. I have been on a serious milkshake kick. I mean, we're talking I crave milkshakes 3 times a week. I don't usually want dessert, but cookies and cream milkshakes are my jam right now. On the way to get milkshakes, I felt that awkward feeling. You know, the one where someone's staring. Well, it was my creepster husband.

Me: What?
Husband: Nothing.
Me: What?
Husband: I just like your face.
Me: (thinking, "That's gross. I have no makeup on and didn't shower today.) Is that all?
Husband: Yeah.
Me: How much?
Husband: A lot.
--I'm too much of a jerk to accept this answer.--
Me: How much?
Husband: I like your face more than anything else in the world.
Me: Like what? (I know, right? Don't you wish you were married to someone as obnoxious as me?)
Husband: I like your face more than...I like to cook.
Me: ...oh... That really is a lot.

Seriously. SO much. Thanks, honey. Now, the moral of this story is NOT how great my husband is, but that is an added bonus. It's just, I feel like we don't hang on to these things. We went to a restaurant/bar last night with some friends and talked about the road changes over time. He asked me if I was here when a cut-through was made. I have no idea whether or not it was here when I moved here. Then I realized how many things like this little conversation I've forgotten. For example, I've been here 8 years this August (weird) and I'm sure I went to multiple movies, restaurants, etc with people from college, but I just don't remember. Maybe that's no big deal. Some people probably think, "If it were that important, you'd remember." Two things, though: #1- I'm a rememberer. Ask anyone. I remember things. #2- Were they not important? If I chose to go with random freshman year students A-F, wasn't it important, at least at the time? Isn't it, then, a little sad that I can't remember anything significant from those times? Maybe not. Maybe it doesn't matter. I just worry that these day-to-day things will go the way of the random college movie outing.

We're at a place in the month where I wonder if we have money for two milkshakes this close to pay day. So, while in line, he said to me, "We finished another roll of quarters." My husband and I are saving change. We had a yard sale in April and started saving all of the change we had left over. We spent a night earlier this month rolling quarters and figuring out how many of each type of coin we need to finish an additional roll. We ended up with 40 bucks, I think. 30 of it goes to our savings to make it an even number (because I'm insane). The purpose for the remainder is TBD. Today, it may be to buy milkshakes. I'm not really sure where we conjured the cash for them. They were worth it, in case you were wondering. So. Worth it. Anyhow, I thought of how we hadn't finished a roll in a while. It made me realize that today marked some kind of an ending: the end of another roll of quarters. I don't know that it matters. It certainly isn't a worldwide event. I just remember when we started saving change we had about 4 quarters, 10 dimes, 12 nickels, and 542938 pennies. So, in a way, it showed me that time was moving on. Things are progressing. One day we'll put these quarters in a piggy bank, a college fund, a candy machine. Today, our quarters are for us. Hopefully by the time we're putting them in piggy banks, we won't need them for the savings account.

As I said, this gave my brain enough material for a tangent. It doesn't take much. The biggest memory I have of rolling coins is from when I was a kid (late elementary-early middle school-ish) and we were preparing for a trip to the beach (best time of every year). We had a huge glass jar from the Williamsburg Pottery that my mom had as a kid. The jar was later tapped with a vacuum for the millionth time, where it split and cracked. RIP, jar. Anyway, my mom, stepdad, and myself were rolling coins and we ended up paying for, like, the whole trip with these dang coins. It was so cool. I was so proud that I could fold the ends to keep the coins from falling out. It's the little things. Right? I'm pretty sure we did this multiple times, but for some reason, rolling coins brings a happy feeling every time. Then I smell my hands, throw up in my mouth, and remember how gross money is. On with the tangent! I remember that rolling coins is one of two supremely happy things I remember from hanging out on Mom & Steve's bed as a kid. The second? Tickle fights. I don't know about you guys, but Saturdays are either super lazy or super busy (are you sensing a theme in my life?). Some Saturdays, I woke up first. My husband is blown away by that sentence. I'm a great sleeper. I would go into my parents' room and see if they were awake. This typically ended up in some crazy tickle-fest when I was in elementary school. We'd end up ticking until a) we all ended up in tears, or b) someone got so annoyed that we had to stop. I'm not sure which actually happened more frequently. All three of us have pretty intense personalities, it could go either way. Somewhere along the line, I ended up being the late sleeper, tickling (and being tickled by) your parents stopped being fun, and my family stopped needing to roll coins to afford vacations. Somewhere along the line we probably even forgot how fun it was, but it was. It really was.

So, I want to remember late-night milkshake runs. I want to remember stupid conversations in the car. I want to remember that, for today at least, my husband likes my face better than cooking and we're so broke that we might start paying for milkshakes with rolls of nickels (they're $5, like two small Chick-Fil-A milkshakes). But, I don't want to lose it. This is better than clocks and calendars. It's better than meetings and report cards (what isn't?). This is how we pass the time. It makes me equal parts sad that it's passing and happy to be in it. I don't remember thinking of it this way before. I hope I don't forget now.

Behind the Wheel.

2012-01-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight, while driving home from work, my husband and I heard a siren. After a lively debate where I ridiculed him for saying, "Where are you at?" [I hate 'at' at the end of a question; it bothers me more than other participle-ish things], we finally realized it was coming in the opposite direction. We looked across Jefferson Avenue (at the four lanes of oncoming traffic...Newport News-ians, we were at the stoplight at Walmart/Kiln Creek with all the merging and the reflective thingies marking the turn lanes...only we were headed toward the mall) anyhow...and a car was sitting DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE AMBULANCE. This prompted me to yell (clearly, he could hear me), "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AT A RED LIGHT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SIT. WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR THE AMBULANCE."

Obviously, he heard me. He went through the intersection (on the red light) and moved to the right side...WHERE HE KEPT DRIVING. WHAT?! IT'S AN EMERGENCY VEHICLE. DRIVING TO DENBIGH IS NOT AS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!

My much more levelheaded husband responded, "I think they should have a mandatory driving refresher course every few years." [He really is a brilliant man...and much cooler under pressure...I'm much cooler...in life and society. sike.]

I agreed WHOLEHEARTEDLY, which prompted me to make my list of three things. Since I'm pretty sure this is my interwebs version of "is this thing on?", I thought you'd absolutely be DYING to know my 3 most important refresher tips for [primarily Virginia] drivers.

1. Blinkers, also known as turn signals. My sweet husband and I have a funny little saying..."Blinkers B*#@&es". Yes, I obviously came up with it in a raging fit (not unlike the one I had tonight). It drives me INSANE when people don't use turn signals whether it's to turn or to change lanes. I hate it. Hate. It. Hate it.

2. The law states that you MUST use your HEADLIGHTS (not your *fancy* daytime running lights...we'll get to that in a minute) whenever:
a) your windshield wipers are on.
b) you are in a tunnel.
NO. That does not mean your DAYTIME RUNNING LIGHTS. NO NO NO. And do you know why? Anyone? ...Bueller?
Daytime running lights do not show up in the rear! That's right, while your front end may be bright and appealing, your back end is very dull and undesirable. This may save you from a rear-end collision during rainy times or in tunnels (some get very dark- unlike HRBT which is trying to be a ginormous tanning bed).

3. Emergency Vehicle (and school bus) Conduct. There are all kinds of ALL CAPS REFLECTIVE LETTERS that tell you to stay 500 feet back and such...but clearly not enough people read them. Seriously, someone's dying. It's more important than getting to Starbucks, getting through the green light, etc. Also, it makes YOU the jerk who tails the ambulance so the people who correctly (and politely) stopped in front of you can't beat you. It means you're cutting them off. Jerk.

**"Fancy" is relative, in regards to daytime running lights. The lady Sunfire has them...she even has one of them there compact disc players...but she also has manual locks, windows, and transmission. Yes, I had a child ask me last week, "Is this thingy how you roll the windows down?!"...fancy, I tell ya.

***It's also REALLY nice if you stop for a funeral procession. Yes, I know you don't know the dead guy and it's a huge inconvenience to pull over on the shoulder when you're the one lane of traffic that actually GETS to go, but, coming from experience, it's SO sweet to see strangers going the opposite direction pull over...especially on a divided highway because those people REALLY didn't have to stop what they were doing. It's super duper respectful and might even prompt a person known as "The Ice Queen", (yes, my stepdad called me that while he was sick) to shed a tear or two.

See? I knew you wanted to hear this. But please, seriously, keep it in mind. Someday that might be your emergency (or rear-end collision due to a lack of headlights or blinkers) and I will DEFINITELY be the person to say, "I told you so." Double "I told you so"s if you just didn't bother to read this. Man. So many of those are about to happen.

Did I mention it's Friday?! Have a great weekend! :)

happiness and cheer.

2011-12-24T05:37:00.000-08:00

So...it's Christmas time. It's Christmas Eve. Weird. I've had a super difficult time with holidays this year. Fall and winter are my absolute favorites (especially November & December) and, despite my endless birthday countdown, I didn't feel like my birthday was very exciting. Then Thanksgiving was HUGE because we hosted (there's a post already written that won't post for some reason), but it still kinda...snuck up. It felt more like everyone was coming over for a family event than that it was THANKSGIVING. I don't think it helped that it was SO different than our normal holiday traditions...it made it hard to realize that we were still having the same holiday. I'm bad at change, in case you hadn't noticed.

So, now it's Christmas. The trees are up...OK, one isn't decorated, but it's in our room, so nobody else cares. We have garlands outside for the first time, we made Christmas treats a week ahead of time, our gifts came in AT budget perfectly, everything's good. So, my question is, why doesn't it feel like Christmas is TOMORROW?! I'm pretty sure the fever blister that has inhabited my face isn't helping, but still.

Last year, we were in a very different place (literally and figuratively). This time last year we were sitting vigil for my stepfather who was losing his battle to cancer. We had planned out our entire Christmas route/schedule and it all got completely changed, haha. That's what we get for planning, apparently. Even so, our tree had been up, our house was decorated, it FELT like Christmas. It was sad Christmas, sure, but it was still Christmas. This year, nope. Our house probably hasn't ever looked this good at Christmas. It's way cleaner, there's less clutter, our tree rocks my socks...but something isn't right. I feel ridiculous saying this because there's NO reason for it and nothing I can pinpoint. I feel petulant, but it's not that I'm not getting presents like I did as a child or that I'm not excited about Santa because I'm grown. In fact, we saw Arthur Christmas the other night and it further reinforced my belief that the Santa thing actually could happen. The Christmas music has been on the radio since before Thanksgiving and I've faithfully listened. Singing Christmas hymns at church has been my favorite part of every Sunday, as usual, but it still is not here.

I'm not sure if it's not having Steve here that's doing it. Maybe it's the billion other changes that have taken place this year. None of the changes we've experienced have particularly been bad, but it's all different...and, like I mentioned before, I'm bad at change. Everything just seems off. But, since I can't figure out what "it" is that's missing,

I think I'll just blame it on the fever blister.

Hope that you & yours have a fabulous Christmas! We'll be at church tonight & tomorrow for my favorite services of the year! See ya later with some Christmas photos from our little blue house. :)

We Gather Together

2011-11-29T19:07:00.001-08:00

I have a million things that I want to post about and no time for 999,999 of them. Really annoying.

So, I decided to talk about Thanksgiving instead. We decided to host Thanksgiving this year. 12 people in our house (it was originally 15...so that was actually small). Basically, I'm just proud of myself. Is that wrong? Maybe, maybe not. Our thought process behind this undertaking was that last year we spent Thanksgiving with my family, thinking we'd go to Nags Head with my husband's family on Black Friday & spend the weekend. Well, my stepdad's cancer had progressed further than we expected, traffic stunk, and we had to be back in Richmond by Sunday. So, we stayed at my mom's the entire Thanksgiving. Plan B was that we'd spend Christmas Eve together in Newport News after Christmas Eve service in Richmond, have Christmas morning with my in-laws, and then head to my mom's later on Christmas Day. Also, ineffective. My stepdad was hanging on at that point and we really thought he would only make it until Christmas night. We didn't go to church together (sent the Preacher alone- hah) and we all sat holding a vigil at my stepdad's bedside until he passed on New Year's Eve. After that, splitting holidays sounded horrible, especially for this year. I hate the thought of my mom alone on holidays and I hate the thought of not seeing the in-laws on holidays. That's when one of us (probably me) said, "Let's just HOST Thanksgiving for EVERYONE!" (cue overwhelmed face and steam coming from our ears)

Obviously our house wasn't "picture perfect" like we'd hoped because there are NEVER enough hours in days, so we stayed up ALL NIGHT on Wednesday. It was like being in college...only with pie crusts. Not gonna lie, pretty proud of my Martha Stewart pies and made-from-scratch pie crusts. You'll see them in a moment.

Anyway, we laid down for about two hours (actually, hubs only laid down for one) and then got started on the cooking around 10 a.m.! The BIG MEAL was scheduled for 2, so we had tons to finish up. Plus, we had to shower...what?! How do people find time to bathe when hosting holidays?!

I was really excited that we bought all white dishes this summer. It was great to make a fun table setting. My "little brother" Dillon had come over Wednesday night to help me craft some things from Pinterest so that the house would be uber-festive and everyone would have place cards. This is where my mom says, "You don't have to go overboard," but I thought it would be nice to have assigned seats. Ya know, when everyone goes to the same place every year, you have seats where you always sit. But here, nobody would really know, so I tried to make it a little less awkward. I hate awkward. "But you do it so well?" you say, ahh yes. Yes I do. Seriously though, let's be honest, the crafts were for me. It was all about the little things for me.

In another lifetime, I registered for chocolate brown and green table settings. Hooray! Those can be fall colors! I set the table with jars with golden floating candles, silver napkin rings, chocolate brown napkins, green place mats, and a few tealight holders, pumpkins, etc. Then I put everyone's place card pumpkin by their plate and lit the candles! Hooray! Happy Thanksgiving! :) I also recovered our chair bottoms, but I'll have to post about that later because I have to workout at 5 a.m. tomorrow, so it's just about bedtime.

Bring on the photographic evidence!

This was inspired by some Pinterest action. If I can find the felt flower tutorial I used, I'll link it up.

These were our little place cards. :) They were found from Pinterest and my pin is linked to google. I'm sure I found a real tutorial.

SO MUCH TEA TO BE MADE.

This is the view from the "kitchen" end of our living room. That's the dining table we used to always have out with recovered seats (I love my staple gun) and a table from church set perpendicular at the end.

This is the other end. We covered the white plastic (borrowed from church) folding table with a brown table cloth so it would blend better with our table. Then we just put pine cones, votive holders, jars with water/floating candles, and some pumpkins (craft and real) in the middle. Yes, those are our rolls rising on top of our Thanksgiving crates in the background. We were close on time.

The main section of the table, pre-food.

Dessert bar! I made those pies from scratch (thanks to Martha Stewart's recipe) and we added a blueberry cobbler, a few more pies, and my grandmother's caramel cake to the spread. My Memaw also handmade that fall-colored runner. She taught me how this summer, but I'm clearly slower than she is at completing projects. :)

I'd love to say our house has stained this clean since Thanksgiving, but it hasn't. Our Christmas decorations are awesome, but were pretty late getting completed. Since I'm just now posting Thanksgiving right before New Year's, maybe Christmas will be up before Valentines' Day? It's a great reminder of all we have to be thankful for in our life. It was a fabulous first-host Thanksgiving! Happy Holidays!

-Jessica (&Chris)

**tell us- how did YOU celebrate? any DIY projects? anyone else staying up LITERALLY all night to host people the next day? **

who's on first?

2011-10-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

Rather, who's IN first?

Today I'm writing about priorities. I am a notoriously awful priority-setter. I get easily distracted and, especially when cleaning, jump from one task to another. Yes, eventually everything gets done. Yes, I typically find money or memorabilia. No, it is not efficient.

Day 5 of the 31 Days to Clean program was setting priorities. The first line that Sarah Mae writes for today is, "If you're anything like me, you have good intentions, but you fall short." Zing! Score one for Sarah Mae. This is like...the story of my life. I have THE BEST intentions. Trust me, I really do. Do any of you ever see that? Highly unlikely. You see, I really am a champion at getting distracted. I'm also abysmal at follow-through. No, I don't know why. No, I can't keep a coherent calendar so that I can stick to the things I want to do. Yes, I do say "Yes" to just about everything. No, I don't know how to stop.

So, Day 5's "Mary Challenge" was particularly difficult for me. For one thing, I was challenged to come up with a priority list. Wait, isn't this the easy part? Of course. If I'm being fake with myself and setting a list of priorities (with explanations) that I'm sure you all want to see or that I'm supposed to write, then yes, this is simple. I really expect better of myself. I don't want to be fake. I don't want to lie about my priorities. So, the issue is two-fold. Do I write a list of priorities for where I want them to be/know they should be? Or, am I brutally honest about what I'm actually prioritizing/idolizing (hello, The Biggest Loser, Gossip Girl, and Grey's Anatomy) and then reflect on where to go from here?

Well, I tried to blend them. For the sake of accountability, I'm posting my new priority list here. I'm going to try to give a little background on each one, too, because I know some of you will be thinking, "haha- she never does that." It's true. I know I fall short on ~~most~~ all of these things right now. However, in the spirit of change, I'm going to try to start focusing on these things in my life. I'm hoping to become a bit more consistent, if not master one or two.

For reference, Sarah Mae's priorities were:
1) God
2) Husband
3) Children
4) Home
5) Gifts
6) Personal

Many of these were the same, but if you want to know Sarah's reasons, you'll have to get the book. :)

1. God- exploring, figuring "it" out (whatever "it" is...I don't mean "it" to be God...just what I'm supposed to be doing), understanding what/where I am in my relationship/role/circumstances. I realize that as the wife of a youth minister, this should "come easy" to me, but it doesn't. It never really has. There's a saying that I found on Pinterest (which is apparently a quote from Will&Grace that says, "She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage." I feel this way, oohhhhh, 90% of the time. I don't know why. As a result, I have weirdo trust issues and things I can't comprehend and...I'm a control freak. Thus, sometimes Jesus & I have issues. Don't get me wrong, I never doubt that He is who He says He is, I just don't always have the easiest time figuring out how that affects me. My husband is a very good, good man.

2. Husband. :) This is my favorite priority right now. I feel like I'm pretty good with this priority...and even when I'm bad, he knows I'm trying to be better. My hope in this whole 31 day situation is that it will help me to be his best friend, best support, encourager, and (with the cleaning shtick in mind), his home maker. That's a huge part of my priority here. Sarah Mae also includes some super pertinent Scripture in this portion of her priority list. It's really awesome.

3. Our Family(ies)- I want to figure some things out and know where we are in regards to starting our own family, welcoming our current families into "our" new nuclear family, spending time with our families, and mostly, getting my home in order so that I can spend guilt-/stress-free time with them. I really want to get my house straight so that I can go home & spend a weekend with my mom and grandparents without feeling like I'm getting more behind by not being at my house.

4. My Job- I want to be investing in my students and using my time wisely at school and at home, so that I can work on projects in both places. Staying on top of housework=More time with/for my school work.

5. Me: I took Sarah Mae's advice and put me last. Yes, it was difficult. No, I'm not sure it's completely honest. But, I know this is where I need to be right now. I know that by focusing on these other areas/people in my life, I'll be more of the person that I truly want to be. That being said, I do want to work on working out (P90X, take 2?), resting/relaxing more, and spending/prioritizing time with my friends to restore/recharge in ways that only girl friends can.

I wrote this all down in a notebook and started out on Day 6 by working on the six list. It's an awesome little tool for keeping myself organized that I'm sure I'll talk about when I post pictures of the last few days of adventures. I should've taken before/afters of the massive pile of laundry I put away the other night. Literally, over an hour of my life. Ridiculous.

Thanks for reading this (if you stuck it out- don't blame you if you didn't). Honestly, it's a bit harder to have it all down here than I thought it would be. I'm going to leave you with the little photo of the mission statement that sits on my dresser. Hopefully having all of this motivation in one place will keep me going. Even when I feel like nobody is reading this, I feel guilty if I don't stick to my plan. But, thanks for reading it anyway. My priorities probably don't matter to anyone but me, but I appreciate it all the same. :)

Click here to visit Sarah Mae.

Day 4

2011-10-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

This day is a tad late. Day 4 was Thursday. Thursday was exhausting. I got home at...8:30 and was asleep before 9:30. No, this was not on purpose. It was really quite pathetic. I didn't even make it halfway through Grey's Anatomy.

The 31 Days task for Day 4 is to clean your oven and microwave. It's also to invite a friend over without worrying how your house looks...just to make your house a more inviting space. I did, in fact, invite someone over, but she was more exhausted than I was, so a TV date was not in order. I realized that the Day 5 task was to clean out my cabinets which we did this summer and I decided to combine these things for today (Saturday). Well, the oven cleaning took FOREVER. I'm going to eventually show you some before/after photos, but for now, let me just say, disgusting. I decided to go green with this whole oven cleaning catastrophe. I'm pleased with my results, though some kind of chemical, eye-burning, birth-defect inducing cleaner could've been faster and/or easier.

First, I put baking soda everywhere. I made it into a paste with some water and started a-scrubbin'. It worked well enough. Then, I realized we should take the door off...this is where the ridiculous starts. Now there's a door laying in the kitchen floor. OK. Easy enough to fix later. Then, I realize that it would be easier to clean the top of the oven without the heating elements. We take out the heating elements. Keep in mind, I started this project after 4 p.m. I had a meeting from 8:30-3:30 today. So, we're taking out heating elements and I'm scrubbing away. Hot water, baking soda, scrub, wipe, repeat. There are still some troubling spots. Baking soda is liberally thrown in there, vinegar is sprayed on...volcanic action ensues. At some point, we break for dinner. During this time, I decided to watch the 31 Day Videos. Seriously, she makes it look so easy. Apparently, normal people clean stoves/ovens more often than we do. Chris pulled out the range for me. It was awesome. Almost. You should see what was under/behind it. First, they didn't move it when they laid down our ~~bubbling up~~ floating laminate floor. Second, ew. I mean, this was foul (you'll see later). So, I wiped down the sides of my oven, cleaned the sides of the counters where they ran into the oven, wiped the top of the wall, and Chris vacuumed the floor and used a wet Swiffer cloth on it. Fabulous. While he was gone to dinner, I took the knobs off the stove top (didn't know you could do that until he showed me) and also soaked them in a bowl of baking soda & vinegar. That worked like a charm. **The power was off for all of these adventures.**

Since I don't want to bore you and I have lots of disgusting photos, let me just say that our stove top was foul. I mean, it was really disgusting. Something was in there and I honestly couldn't tell you what it is/was/ever-had-potential-to-be. Gross.

36 rounds of baking soda + vinegar + hot, hot water + Green Works All-Purpose + wiping + drying= fabulous looking range.

My sweet husband reaching vinegar for me after pulling out the range, taking off the door, and smelling the disgusting scent of baking soda paste for hours. He's a champ.

Yup. That's in my front burner. What. the. what.

This is the side of my cabinet. I had no idea. So gross.

Before: Left side. Seriously. Disgusting. Yes. That purple was the color of my paint cabinets before this summer. This is why I wish things were a little more flush and/or sealed in my kitchen. So gross.

After: Left side!

Before: Right side: Holy gross.

After: Right side! SO beautiful! So much water on the floor!

Before: Yes. That's a papery thing from in between dishes, a piece of trim that wasn't appropriately applied, dirt, hair bands, a metal beer bottle cap, a leaf, and a soda can tab. Wait, what's that? THE FLOORING ISN"T COMPLETE?! Yes. Correct. It's not complete. I don't know why. It's ridiculous. I can't even talk about it.

After! I'm still mad about the lack of complete flooring. Can't. even. go. there.

I realize that it sitll looks yucky...and doesn't have a broiler element. Yes, it broke. Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I got Panera for dinner. Trust me, this is way cleaner. Why they make ovens that look (and feel) rough & dirty, even when clean, is beyond me.

Gorgeous! Hooray! Beautiful Martha Stewart from my wonderful brother-in-law, too!

All done! The pots/pans drawer really is white, it just looks almond. That doesn't make it much more attractive, but it helps. Also, yes, those are pans in the floor in the reflection.

These are hanging out with some baking soda paste on them. They will be put back tomorrow.

The aftermath.

Please don't stop being my friends/followers/guests for dinner now that you've seen this. I promise it's a million times better AND won't get THIS awful ever. again. On to the next day!

Click here to visit Sarah Mae.

Days 2 & 3.

2011-10-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

I have officially stuck with something for two days. I know this doesn't sound very impressive, but trust me, it is.

On Monday, I talked about my new manual of life: 31 Days to Clean and I am proud to say that I have done the first three challenges. The first Mary challenge was to come up with my mission statement (check) and the Martha challenge was to assess what cleaning supplies I would need with all of the upcoming tasks. Tada! I had everything. If I didn't have something bought at the store, I decided I'd look it up in my Green Clean book or It's Easy Being Green. Most of the supplies there are in the pantry already (score!). That part was easy.

Yesterday stunk. I mean, not literally, but it was a close call. I was to clean out our refrigerator and freezer. For one, I'm paranoid that things are going spoil in the 30 minutes they may be out of the fridge/freezer. Like, paranoid. I freak out the entire time so I scrub vigorously.

The freezer ended up being easy. The fridge? Not so much. You see, my husband does the grocery shopping (he protects me from the grocery store, which I hate) and so I don't really pay attention to the fridge. Dumb. Dumb, Jessica, dumb. I found some sticky salmonella-looking stuff in the back on one shelf...only...it was the lower shelf, so it runs under the drawers as well. Gross. I took out drawers, found something that once was lettuce (yes, he had to tell me what it had been), and cleaned out a drawer with something vinegar-based in it. How do I know it was vinegar-based? I was cleaning with baking soda and water. Yes, it started bubbling. Ew.

On to Day 3...ugh.

Today's Mary challenge was to talk to my family (husband) about how he feels the most loved in our home, domestically speaking. He said he likes it when I decorate because I take the time to make things look nice (score- my favorite) and when I do the laundry. Good. I'm anal retentive and need to be in control of it. Trust issues. I need professional help. That part was awesome. Two strengths!

Martha challenge? Well, it lived up to its name in terms of the word "challenge". I was to wipe down the tops of all shelves, cabinets, refrigerator, and shine up the outside. I thought I was being SUPER industrious because I realized my relatively newly-painted cabinets didn't really need shining. Score. Then I wiped around all of the door/drawer knobs because of dirty hands. Obviously, the cabinets around the stove/sink were gross, so they needed to be wiped off. I got SO ahead of myself, I even cleaned off the oven door (a.k.a. new cat mirror). Go, me! Not. I was still rolling along when it came to our four relatively-new open shelves. These are clearly all things I never wrote about...maybe one day. I rinsed all of the things sitting out, laid them out to dry, cleaned off shelves, and tomorrow I'll set the stuff up. Easy peasy.

On to the refrigerator top!

WHAT. THE. WHAT. This was literally the worst ever. The top, in places, was brown. This causes stress and frustrating in my world (not to mention the giant vase of flowers that fell on the floor- in a plastic vase- with water going EVERYWHERE while I was up on a stool). It took me AT LEAST the same amount of time to wipe down the top of the fridge as it did to do the rest of the kitchen. Our kitchen, mind you, is tiny in terms of cabinet space. Our fridge top is PACKED with stuff. This would've been a great place for a before/after because it was brown/gray in areas. Now it's sparkly & white! Hooray!

I honestly would've rather drilled holes through my eyeballs than do this stuff, but it's worth it. I figure if I'm 3 days in to a 31 day plan (and day 31 is to Rest!), then I'm 10% of the way there! Hooray! Hopefully, tomorrow won't make me want to burn my house down instead of cleaning it. Day 4! Woop woop!

Click here to visit Sarah Mae.

31 days.

2011-10-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

Anyone who is my friend on ye ol' Facebook knows that a little while ago I purchased a book called 31 Days to Clean- Having a Martha House the Mary Way. I was so excited to get this book. Seriously.

I've talked about my issues with cleaning before and I never seem to make any headway. We bought this book (it's an e-book) and I started reading through the first few days. Apparently, the lovely author, Sarah Mae, doesn't consider herself a born cleaner. This made me feel better. Also, I love to clean. That sounds stupid after all the complaining I've done. You see...growing up, my mom was a perfectionist. I mean, that woman can clean ANYTHING. Very well. As a result, I was cleaning almost every single part of the house once a week. I did laundry, I cleaned the kitchen, I dusted and vacuumed. Eventually, my room was the dumping ground of everything. Whatever. I was a teenager (someone remind me of this when I have kids). Anyhow, the cleaning stopped. The only issue was that Mom taught me REALLY thorough ways to clean things. Now? I'm a perfectionist. No, really. You cannot help me clean. I have to clean everything in the *exact* way that it "should" be cleaned, or it's not good enough. One problem. I get SO overwhelmed when things pile up and then think about HOW LONG it's going to take until it's done ~~my way~~ right, that it takes me forever to get started.

A few weeks ago, I had a potentially genius/potentially awful idea. We have an empty guest room (sigh...we miss our roommate), so we took everything that was around the house and NOT in its "proper" place and shoved it in the guest room in zones...basically telling me where it's supposed to go. I have some school stuff that needs to be taken to work/made/assembled/etc. I have some house stuff. I have somethings to hang...it's like the Decor Store over on YoungHouseLove. (They make me feel better by currently using their playroom for this purpose). So onto the point...

I bought the book. I even made my mission statement (Day 1's Mary Challenge), which is to remind myself of WHY I want this clean house so badly. Here it is...

September 4, 2011 (yes, I originally bought this Labor Day weekend & am just now starting)

I want a CLEAN home because I...
-want to entertain
-want to Relax
-want to maintain, not restart
-want to feel less guilt when we do what we want
-want less to dos!
-want to be a good, clean Mommy someday...

Here's why this matters TODAY (and for the next 31 days). Last night, I printed out the book & the calendars, etc. I wanted to really get a plan for what I was doing. Guess what?! If yesterday (Monday, October 17, 2011) is Day One, I will be finished on November 15th.

Anyone who's anyone knows what that day is?! Anyone?...Anyone? Bueller? *cue crickets chirping*

That's my birthday! What better gift could I possibly give myself than having my crap figured out in time for my birthday. Giving myself (and my sweet, patient husband) the gift of a presentable home in time for my birthday, thus having less "to-dos" and getting to do what we want guilt-free sounds like the most amazing birthday gift ever...besides Mylo Xyloto. Don't get any gift-less ideas, honey. :)

Is anyone else motivated to do better, one small step at a time? Sarah Mae's before-and-after photos on the site really helped me to see that chipping away at her little Martha Challenge could encourage me to get so swept away with cleaning that I get even more done and go above and beyond. Swept away, hah.

Is anyone else just excited that my birthday is in 30 days? Yup, today's Day 2! Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with a sweet update! :)

Off to clean the refrigerator & freezer!

Click here to visit Sarah Mae.

my lady.

2011-10-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have immediately thought this post was about my mom, my grandmother, my new dog (it's not, still dog-less), or even my favorite clerk at the grocery store. Alas, it's more inappropriate than that.

You see, yesterday was my yearly doctor's appointment. Yes, THAT kind of yearly appointment. Don't worry, potential gentlemen followers, this does not get graphic...just embarrassing.

I went to my doctor's office, which I L-O-V-E-LOVE, and got called back to get my weight/height measured (ugh) and my blood pressure taken. The nurse taking my blood pressure was SO NICE. Seriously, she was super friendly. After asking the name of my GP, we got to talking about how wonderful my GP is (seriously, best doctor ever) and how much we love her. I was really excited that this nurse had the same general doctor as me because...she's the greatest ever.

So, my nurse practitioner comes in and we do the breast exam and start talking about my job. She asked me all about my students and said, "Oh! So you teach all the kids with no teeth?" So true. Anyway, she asks me to scoot down so we can get started on the exam. All of the ladies know they typically call in a nurse. Sure enough, she calls in the same nurse who took my blood pressure. **This is the ridiculous part.** The nurse comes back in, cheery as ever, and says, "Oh! I knew you looked familiar! You teach at [insert the name of my school here]! I'm Cruz & Diego's grandmother!" Then, to the doctor, "She's taught my grandsons for three years in a row!"

yup.

Let that sink in.

yup.

My only possible response, "Ooooh! Well, you now know me better than anyone else at [school]." Yup. You've seen my lady. Don't get me wrong, I realize that, to them, if you've seen one, you've seen them all. But for me? This was a little bit horrific. There was no need to get another nurse, she was already holding things and had seen behind the sheet. But really? Oh man. The best part was, on the way out the door, "Make sure you tell the boys that Nonna says 'hi'!"

Sure will. I really hope they don't understand where you work.

***I am hoping (fingers are literally crossed, which makes it riDICulous to type) to move my blog and be better about blogging so PUH-LEEEASE (with cherries on top) follow me once I tell you where I move. :) I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather!***

go nuts!

2011-08-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

So- my husband is a youth minister. Many of you know that, some of you don't. Some of you still think it's hilarious that I ended up a "preacher's wife". I agree. It's insane.

This week we took his kiddos (teenagers, they probably hate it when I say "kiddos") to a Richmond Squirrels game. It was SUPER AWESOME. Many of you know I rarely wear shorts. I do laundry even more rarely, which reminds me, I'm supposed to have some in right now. Seriously, I'm AWFUL at laundry. Well, I wore jeans. Anyone at summer baseball games knows this can be awful. Hooray for me! Modesty won out and the weather was so awesome I almost needed a hoodie toward the end of the game. Success #1. Success #2 comes from the fact that sometimes doing summer activities can be sad because people are on vacations and we can't get a group together, but this was a different story. Eight of us went to the game. It was like, the perfect amount. Don't get me wrong, some of our girls couldn't come and I was sad, but it was a solid size for hanging out, funny parking issues in the van, and getting to talk/hang out personally with some of them while others took A MILLION YEARS to get snacks/drinks. They know who they are. :)

The Richmond Squirrels lost the game in a seriously almost-climactic-but-still-anti-climactic 9 innings, but it was awesome to get to know the kiddos better. These pictures are proof that we a) had fun, b) baseball is an awesome sport because it's chill enough to take ridiculous pictures, and c) we learned some hidden "talents". Awesome.

To the 6 amazing teenagers (well, 5 and one "tween") in these photos: thanks for hanging out. Chris & I had an amazing time and hope that there are many more games/outings/hang-outs to come. I hope you have a fabulous last few weeks of summer (super jealous of the two of you spending a week at the beach) and that we get to hang out more in the fall!

I tried to get a group shot.

Not bad for me holding the camera. Pictures like this make me happy because our teeth look so white. Yup, that's weird.

This is what happens when you don't like group photos. Sorry, girls. :)

Intensely watching.

Hilarious kid.

It's a trend.

According to some, this is creepy. I took this photo because this kid was INHALING cotton candy. It was the funniest thing ever. He'd put a huge mouthful in, then lick every. single. finger. Then start over. So funny.

Siblings are funny. You can see they bear a strong resemblance.

I did not take the previous or following picture.

She likes to jump in front of photos. She's also REALLY good at it.

We stayed for FIREWORKS!

After all of those terrible fireworks pictures, my husband said, "Did you use the 'Fireworks" setting on the camera?" My response: .....REALLY?!

Thanks for an awesome night, guys!

P.S. **WARNING: Completely unrelated side note** Does the Milo's Kitchen Dog Treat commercial bother anyone else as much as it bothers me? I mean, I'm sure the treats are delicious, homemade, yada yada...but the chick freaks me out. Google "Milo's Kitchen Commercial" if you're not sure. It's so annoying I change channels. Just wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

long time, no see.

2011-08-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

Most of you are thinking one of two things: 1- she does exist or, 2- crap, I got alerted to read her crap again.

I'm ok with either of these as long as you're here.

I do apologize because I hate looking at my google reader and realizing there are a million blogs I subscribed to or bookmarked that never write. By the same token, I'm pledging to do better. Also, I originally typed "by the same toke" and laughed because I never make marijuana jokes.

See? Those of you originally thinking "She does exist" are now frustrated that you were alerted to read my crap. :) So, I decided today to start small with the blogging. We have actually done a ton of things around the house since the last time I blogged. I do hope to start talking about all of those things soon, but some of them will be more in-depth, so today I'm starting with the smallest/most recent things we've done.

Abou a year ago (weird), we did some engagement photos with Rachel Clarke who, sadly, is no longer doing photography, but has decided to bravely follow a new plan for her life. So, we wish her the best and hope that she finds all of the things God has planned for her and is able to see them to fruition. So, Rachel had done a photography contest with a themed engagement shoot. We had planned to do a vintage Fredericksburg/river/picnic shoot, but plans ended up changing and we did the shoot at the house of my good friend Nathan's parents. His wife, Andie, also styled the shoot for her business, before realizing God's plan is to currently continue being a stay-at-home for her darling daughter, Cadence. Thankfully, these ladies used their talents to help us. We used my vintage handkerchiefs for a backdrop and staged a little picnic/sherbert/music playing session with a record player & Chris' guitar. We had ordered our photos before we ever got married, but didn't have a way to hang them. Luckily, Chris also headed up his church's yard sale last year and he got this sweet busted up window. I had a plan! I had seen a few window/picture frames around the internet and really got interested once I got on Pinterest. Holy crap. I love Pinterest.

We decided to start this project Sunday evening. It took 2 hrs. Yes. I am ridiculous. At first I thought we'd stick the photos to the window, but then I realized I didn't want to put anything adhesive on the actual photos, so I was hoping we could figure something out with double-sided tape on the wall. We were awful about taking photos. I apologize in advance. We bought some keyhole fasteners to screw onto the back of the window. Chris got those into the frame (careful to stay away from the glass so the screw wouldn't crack it) and then we put anchors in the wall. That part was easy-peasy. I took the window back off of the wall and laid the photos where I wanted them. Also, easy peasy. So, my genius thought was to mark a dot on the window glass with a dry erase marker and then measure where they fell in the frame. Then I hung the window on the wall and marked a small line where the end of the frame would hang. Perfect, right? Yes...except not. So then I measured from that line to the measurements for each dot and hung the photos with double-sided tape on the wall. Sweet. I hung up the window aaaaaaand... nope. They were all off-center by about an inch. Why? I'm not really sure. We tried re-doing the same thing and it still worked, in theory, but looked wrong. We ended up taking the window down at least 6 ~~million~~ times. It really felt that way. We would hang it, eyeball where the photo should move, take it down, move one photo, hang it up, make sure that was right (it usually wasn't the first time), take it down and adjust a bit more, re-hang it, figure out the next photo, etc. Funny thing, I was wearing my husband's sock on my hand so that I could smooth out the tape/corners without fingerprints on the photos. I'm a fingerprint nazi. After another hour or so of all of this business, tada! It was hung. (that's what she said).

We realized that with the handkerchief pennant banner in the background, it looked really cool to hang our little flag banner from our wedding reception over the window to further frame it out. So, here's the final. Forgive the awkward reflection from the paper lantern (I don't like) in the window. We can't figure out what to do with a ceiling light in our room. We don't always agree on what it should look like, so we're stuck with the paper lantern for now. Also, we don't have fancy (or boring) photo editing software, so they might kinda look like crap, but you get the jist.

Trying not to get any reflection...

Full frontal...

Here's a close-up of the pictures. My next goal is to have the records (that we're holding) framed and to take the 8x10 that is similar to the two in the top corners so that it can go somewhere else in between the two record frames. Soon...

Aaaand a close-up of the banner that I made out of scrapbook paper and ribbon for our wedding. I actually hung it on this wall previously, took it down to make room for a piece of furniture, rearranged furniture, and finally got it hung again.

This is just a ring shot. I really loved it because she incorporated my vintage hankie box that my grandmother gave me. I think my ring looks awesome, even in a $5 Ikea frame.

We took a few days and went to the beach to visit my Sissy and her husband's family who are up (and down) from GA (and NY). It was sweet. Amazing weather. However, we finished the window project Sunday night before we left and that made me motivated to do something else tonight when we got home. My grandparents are big antique collectors and always have old tools and things that I like to collect/use. I feel like having their things and hearing stories that are associated with them will help me have heirlooms in the future for my children who might not get the amazing gift of knowing my grandparents. Seriously, they're amazing. Probably the most amazing people I'll ever know. Thanks, Jesus, for giving me these amazing people.
OK, back on track. I had been on Pinterest (seriously. obsessed.) a few months ago and had seen a photo of an old rake head used as a necklace rack. I thought, "Man, Pa must have one of those laying around." I looked for some at an antiques festival in April and couldn't find one. I mentioned it casually and my grandfather said, "Sure, I have a pile of scrap iron." What?! Amazing. Last weekend, I found it laying near his garage and Memaw said they had set it aside just for me. I'm so lucky. :) So, before bed tonight, I decided to find a nail and hang it up! We eventually want to make our closet wall into a wall of fabric, a la Katie Bower, but, for now, we have doors. I wanted to hang it so it hides behind my door (without scraping the door) but also doesn't look too crazy with the big window. When I held it close to the window, it started to look super off balance because there isn't anything on the other side (yet), but I also didn't want it to be a part of the overall scene in case I wanted to add other photos/frames down the road. We may have to move it out a bit since I think the fabric wall will take up some space, but for now, it looks awesome. All it took was a little scrub (to keep rust off the wall) and a single nail and...tada!

And a whole wall shot...again, pardon the stupid cord and paper lantern. It's not too bad, but it does make me REALLY want to hang some more frames/photos soon!

I really love it. Really. Really. Love. It. That's a lot. Also, thanks to my husband for not thinking I'm crazy when I start these projects at 11 p.m., ask my long-distance best friend to call me at 12:30, or stay up writing blog posts until 3. I'll try to be less insane once the school year starts, but I can make no promises.

This is the first of many projects that I'll be posting soon (hopefully) and I already feel more motivated to finish some of the ones I've started so I can share with the few, the proud, the readers of my blog. Happy end of summer!

I meant to post my inspiration photo from Pinterest, so here it is! I didn't actually use a specific inspiration to hang the window, more for reference about how people chose to hang the somewhat-heavy windows, so I don't have a specific photo for inspiration. I typed "window picture frame" into the search bar and came up with tons of results.

my attempt at a series: Things I Never Thought I'd Say

2011-04-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

"Where is the pig, *student*?! GIVE ME THE PIG."

Yup. I can't even try to explain that. There is no explanation besides...ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

Also- I'm really good (like, a pro) at taking things from kids. Seriously, I'm SO good that a kid tried to steal from my desk when I was gone...that's how much stuff I have of his. I have his Nintendo DS, 2 Bakugan toys, 4 Beyblade spinners (I don't really know what they are either), a trading card and a GameCube disc. Yup.

So, my girl has a Justin Bieber watch. What?! Who doesn't love the Biebs?! The boys in my class, that's who. Anyhow, my girl is playing with her brand-spanking-new-pink-plastic-Justin-Bieber watch and I tell her that if she plays with it again, it's mine. Well, needless to say, that happened. She was playing at her desk & I took it. You have to know, my favorite part of taking things (like her necklace full of Silly Bandz that I took in September), is gloating that I own it...so I walk away going, "Sweet! New watch! Nothin' like a little Biebs on my wrist!" Really? As these words are coming out of my mouth I'm thinking, "Biebs on your wrist, Jessica? You're nuts."

The kids loved it. What the heck. They may make me crazy, but at least they laugh at my crazy.

P.S. For anyone who cares (I know you all are on the edges of your metaphorical seats), I have some posts of fun things we've been doing lately. I'm pretty pumped. Hopefully, there are lots of changes in my/our life/lives coming up soon! Hooray!

half.

2011-04-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

Typically, being "halfway" to something isn't that inspiring. Typically, it means you still have JUST AS MUCH time/work ahead of you as you've already completed.

Sometimes, half is lucky. Today is that day.

Today is April 9, 2011. We are halfway between October 9, 2010 and October 9, 2011. Hallelujah. Most of you probably do not know, but today is my 6-month-aversary with my amazingly-wonderful-so-good-it-still-shocks-me-after-knowing-him-for-6.5-years husband. Yup. That's the one.

So, my sweet husband, thank you. I mean, really. Today we had the L-O-O-O-O-N-G-E-S-T yard sale day, ever. EVER (until next week?). You were a freaking. champ. Yes. A champ. I've said THE MOST RIDICULOUS things this week/weekend. I mean, ridiculous. I've been totally looney/loopy/can't think of any more "loo" words...but if there are some? I've been them. Spring break went to my head. You have just giggled, said nice things, and patted me. I don't mind the patronizing gestures. You could call me a dumb...well, you know. But you don't.

On top of all that, you helped me dig a cat grave and then listened to me whine about my GDTs (Grave-Digging-Thighs: yes friends, they do exist). Basically, you let your out of shape wife try to dig in rocky clay/dirt until she couldn't do it anymore. You let her swing the axe-thingy and try to jump on the shovel until she was so exhausted that she couldn't even deal with it and then asked, yes, you realized my control/closure issues and asked me if you could help. You are a God-send. I don't say that lightly. But then, when you knew you could've done it in half the time? You still let me complain all week that my thighs hurt. Why on Earth can I not swing an axe or dig without squats hurting my thighs. What. The. Heck.

Moving on...

The last 6 months have been amazing. The last year has been amazing. When we were friends, I never knew this existed. There are so many comparisons I could make to prove how great you are...but, end of the day? Your greatness isn't in comparison to everyone else. #1- It's in comparison to everyone else. #2- There isn't any comparison because you are fantastically amazing & wonderful.

As good as I am with words (hence why I always win arguments) I'm not nearly as good at feelings. Please continue to read my mind (maybe less with the negative/crazy) and realize how much I love you. Even when I'm a jerk, remember that my little dance means that I can't wait to kiss you. The lines in my face (you know the ones, between the brows) don't always mean I'm angry...or that you're crazy. Sometimes they mean both. Sometimes they mean I'm just joking you. Speaking of those eyebrows, thanks for telling me I'm pretty even when they're going from the larvae stage to full-blown caterpillar because I've spent my "free" money for the month and don't have enough for waxing.

Thanks for wanting babies. Sorry I'm not quite there yet. Honestly, you make it hard not to be. You're the greatest husband I could've dreamed up and you will be THE greatest father on the face of the planet. Of. All. Time.

Thanks for dealing with the crazy: the work crazy, the messy-house crazy, the Jesus-crises crazy, the emotional crazy, the cat-grief crazy, the people-grief crazy, the I-hate-showering-on-a-daily-basis crazy. Also- all the other crap you deal with is pretty impressive. One more thing, thanks for playing it cool whenever I have a new idea for the house (like re-painting the living room we painted not-too-long ago, repainting the *intense* kitchen, re-decorating any/all rooms, getting rid of your nightstand/lamp before we bought a new one (yup, that's today) and knowing what I need EVERY DAY of our life together.

We may only be halfway to a year, but instead of halfway meaning "so much more ahead", I'm glad to say that halfway means, "not enough time in the world ahead".

I love you.

wifey. xoxoxoxoxo --these are an IOU

we have. the. best. friends. ever.

2011-04-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

Sooo...I've mentioned a million times before how awesome my good friends, Sarah and Drew, over at Kitt Creative are at all things photography. Today I got a text from Sarah asking if I was free...she called me and told me that they want to enter a photographers' magazine cover contest with A PICTURE OF US!!!!!

WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! It's the most exciting thing of, well, a while. I don't know how long. :)

So. If you're out there and don't have any other vested interest in this contest (or even if you do & you want to spread the love around), go to this link and register. Once you do, if you can't find our photo again, search Andrew Kittredge and rate/vote for our photo! I gave it 5 stars but, ya know, I'm a tad impartial!

Please please please help our incredible photographers to get some more recognition. They're SO hard working, such amazing people, great parents & friends...and we love them. And- it's our picture!

THANKS in advance! :)

spring broke.

2011-04-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

This is how I have felt about the first 4 days of my illustrious spring break...yup. Basically, I had tons of excitement planned for my break. By excitement, I mean nothing-ness: cleaning, organizing, getting ready to yard sale, reading a book (or 4), seeing Mama, going through some of my grandparents' amazing antique items and figuring out what we could take...etc.

Friday, I got a call from Mom. My dear, sweet, wonderful cat is extra super duper sick. We had him taken in for surgery twice in the last few weeks for a big tumor-ish spot on his neck. After the first surgery, he felt GREAT. He was skipping around like a much younger (and smaller) cat- he weighs 26 pounds. We noticed he had lost some weight...and then after the second surgery he stopped eating/drinking. Besides that the cat is HUGE, he LOVES to drink water. I mean, he'll come in, drink for 30 seconds...walk out for 10...come back in for 30 more seconds and drink tons and tons of water. I saw him a month ago, after his first surgery, and I brushed him, petted him, used him as a pillow (he liked it, trust me), and was SO glad to see him feeling better. Mom had been telling me since the second surgery, two weeks ago, that he wasn't looking so great. Well, I went up there (as planned) on Sunday and...he was not doing so hot. My poor baby had lost tons of weight. It was. Awful. I mean, awful. That's my baby cat, ya know?

We decided to take him to the vet and have him "put to sleep" on Monday. The vet confirmed everything we saw...he was already gone and just hanging on for us. He was already down to 16 lbs. It was heartbreaking. That's a lot of guilt, by the way. This poor cat knows that we're SO SAD that he's hanging on for us. God bless him. He was so calm/lethargic that they didn't even sedate him...they just came in and gave him his shot. He was looking at us as he relaxed. It was one of the worst things ever. Stupid pets. They really suck you in.

Needless to say, I've been a mess for two days. I never thought I'd be this big a mess. I do better with real life tragedies than I do with losing my pet. We'd never had a pet that long before, I guess. My sweet Gimmel outlasted half of middle school, all of high school, a second cat, countless boyfriends, and endless drama. He was the best. We buried him Monday- also, one of the worst things ever- and I just can't get past the sad. I kinda feel like it'd be better to be at school. Either way, not the way I wanted to start my spring break.

Next up: headache. WHAT THE WHAT?! I had THE worst headache I've had in a long time on Tuesday. Tell me why this is the crappiest spring break ever?! I got through it. A lot of sleep helped.

Soooo...today! Hooray for Wednesday! Disclaimer: I thought it was Tuesday when I woke up- stupid trips on Sunday/Monday throwing me off track.

So. Now some goals for spring break:

Wednesday
-finish laundry
-wash some dust off of our cool new antiques (LOVE my Memaw & Pa)
-work on the closets & living room

Thursday
Day off with my husband! Hooray!
- finish living room!!!!!! (#1 priority!)
- get yard sale stuff cleaned off
- finish closets/upstairs for Jess :)
- groceries. we should eat soon.
- Craigslist yardsale ad
- make signs!

Friday
- breakfast with one of my favorite families
- finish yard sale set-up
- meet other yard-salers (made that word up) to get stuff
- put a few non-yard-sale items on Craigslist
- get the house cleaned up & ready
- get last minute yard sale items & price everything
- pick up tables

I think that's it...? I really need to thoroughly clean things once everything's all gone through...so hopefully I'll be able to clean some bathrooms and stuff too. Also- it'd be great to be READY for school on Monday and maybe even planned ahead? The weekend looks to be busy too. PLEASE pray for me accomplishing my goals FOR ONCE in my life. :)

how to not be lame.

2011-04-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

Rule #1: When you see someone in a store that you recognize from a blog, try to hide your double take and jaw-drop-expression.

OK, so basically, this is THE ONLY rule.

Today, my husband indulged my need to find new ideas for our home...mind you, we don't know what the future has in store for us even living in this home, but I always need to check. We went to World Market, Target and Home Goods after church. It. Was. Awesome.

We got some new curtain panels...they're gorgeous. Then we picked up some last minute stuff I needed for my kids at Target. Then we stopped by Home Goods. On the way through the parking lot, I joke "Haha, John & Sherry (yes, in my blog-filled mind we're on a first name basis) from Young House Love talk about shopping here ALL the time. Wouldn't it be crazy if we saw them?" You see, a few months back when my stepfather was ill with cancer, I was at my mom's for weeks. Every day at 2 p.m. I could be found OBSESSIVELY watching the Nate Berkus show. Seriously, we'd be out running an errand and I'd say, "I'd really like to be home by 2." Mind you, when someone's dying, you may only leave the house ever 4 days. I cherished the time with my stepfather in those days. I also cherished home design shows that we don't get in Newport News. One day, they had a DIY challenge and "guest hosts" named John and Sherry. No big deal...until they said, "We're from Richmond, VA." WHAAAT?! I love that stuff. One time TAPS from Ghost Hunters came to Chesapeake and I was all, "THEY WERE IN HAMPTON ROADS!" So, I checked out their blog and realized that I LOVED their ideas...better yet, they're frugal (cough:: cheap ::cough) like me...but their house looks a.ma.zing. So...during my hours of sitting, nursing, watching Nate Berkus, etc...I read the archives of their blog.

Well. My excitement for home re-design and DIY projects inspired me to finally clean out my office. Anyone who has ever seen my office can attest to the enormity of this project. Anyone who has been to my house and has not seen my office...well...there's a reason for that. Pictures of that will come when...I'm ready to admit my clutter problem in more detail. Chris & I were driving to church one day when I saw this lovely white house on the corner of Chamberlayne & Wilkinson. I said to him, "I swear I've seen that house before." It bugged me for HOURS. Finally, we got home and I thought, "Could it possibly be one of the houses that YHL crashed? Nahhh. That'd be so crazy, it's right by our church." Um. Yes. Yes it is. So...I called my dear soon-to-be-roommate Jess and squealed into the phone that my blog obsessions & real life were colliding and I was super duper excited.

Today. Worlds collided. Again. Chris & I walked through Home Goods and discussed lamps, rugs, nightstands, GLASS GAZING GLOBES (I have no idea why I want one so badly), faux coral (not as cheap as the one we got from Kohl's), and lanterns (I love them). On the way out, I checked the displays by their registers because it was MOBBED when we walked in and I didn't want to be around people. I'm sure you can see where this is heading.

I make a loop around the last display and see this woman on the other side of the aisle...then I do a double take and realize that her husband CATCHES me double taking like a creep. Holy. Crap. Ya know those people whose blog I ~~stalk~~ follow every day?! Why, yes. It's John & Sherry Petersik (in real life, I realize we're not on a first-name basis). I say, "I might pee my pants." SERIOUSLY, JESSICA. THOSE WERE YOUR FIRST WORDS TO A COMPLETE STRANGER?! Yes. Yes they were. Fortunately, he made a joke, introduced me to their super-cute daughter Clara (thank God he realizes that his blog is not real life...as though I haven't seen their 52-week project), Sherry turned around and introduced herself, I proceeded to apologize over and over for interrupting their Sunday afternoon outing- professing that I do realize that they are normal people and I'm usually not so star-struck/crazy in the middle of Home Goods. Thank you, Jesus, my husband was there. He introduced himself, said he'd heard a lot about them (yes, his wife is, indeed, their blog-~~stalker~~ reader) and I continued to apologize, saying how weird it was because we run errands often on Sundays in Richmond and I never imagined I'd actually meet them. Yup. They think I'm a total loser.

So again, rule #1: When you see someone in a store that you recognize from a blog, try to hide your double take and jaw-drop-expression.

Quickly followed by rule #2: Don't open up with a joke about a bodily function.

Ugh. Positive note- they were lovely and charming and didn't- AT ALL- treat me like I was a psycho. So thanks for that, John & Sherry (sorry, we're back to a first-name basis- apparently I can only be un-creepy for so long)!

under what?

2011-02-24T19:54:00.000-08:00

So I was thinking about the whole phrase, "I'm over it." I mean...I say that about kids at school, house work, the commute from Newport News to Richmond, and people repetitively bothering me in the same ways. I also use the phrase to emotionally distance myself from, well, anything that really hurts my feelings. I just assume that I can stop caring or just, quite literally, "not know how much I can possibly care anymore" so I say that I'm over it until I figure out how to deal.

Today, however, I really wondered why that would mean that the opposite is that you're "under" something. I mean, when things are going well, that person isn't annoying you, students are quietly and successfully completing independent work independently, the drive is beautiful with the fall colors on the trees, and you're in the mood to clean would you really say that you're under something? Not me. Frankly, I'm under something right now...and I don't mean a good witch's spell. I don't mean a love spell (although my husband has been exceptionally amazing) and I don't mean a shady tree relaxing.

When I'm upset and "overwhelmed" I feel like I'm "under it". Yes, either under a big pile of crap, or more often, under water. My greatest fear is drowning. Literally. I'm not a great swimmer. I hate the feel of water in any body part in which it does not belong. For example, I clean my ears for probably at least a minute a piece. Seriously. I hate water in my ears. I also hate water in my nose. I also hate water from pools/oceans in my throat. I mean, it's gross. Sidenote: I drink 72 oz of regular water a day. I love to drink regular water. I guess it's the fact that I've never been a good swimmer but, I really do fear drowning. Yes. Fire is a close second. Very close. This week I have been drowning. Well, for the last two weeks I've been drowning. For the two months before that? Treading water (I'm also terrible at that- no stamina).

I have a huge to-do list. I was telling my lovely friend Greg about my to-do list earlier and he asked me if it was a bucket list. Doesn't it seem that way sometimes? My lovely friend, Stephanie over at Walking on Rainbows spoke my mind and heart as she talked about last night's episode of The Biggest Loser. You can read the whole Biggest Loser analogy on her blog. She's 100% right that Jillian said, "You just ran a 12. You came in here running an 8. Now you know you can run a 12. So, what's changed? Nothing. You just got out of your own way."

Jealous. Not only because I'm not getting my butt kicked by Jillian Michaels. But, I'm also jealous that I can't seem to get out of my own way.
So here's my current to-do list:
-get through Odyssey weekend (parents' meeting tomorrow, finish putting together coach's paperwork & binder, pray real hard, encourage my amazing kids, pray real hard, and eventually get sleep)
-laundry
-clean my house
-figure out paint for some rooms
-clean
-yard work
-clean my classroom once OotM is over
-shop for some registry stuff to finally close it out
-thrift & antique (I realize that sounds like fun, but I also need to schedule more day trips with my husband)
-go see my amazing friend Hannah (in March)
-clean
-plan ahead for a majority of the rest of the year so I don't feel so "overwhelmed"
-start working out (soon-please let P90X be somewhat like Jillian kicking my butt)
-start having some quiet time for meandJesus already!
-put my husband first instead of me always being first, by default, because of an awful schedule
-work on recycling programs at work
-be a better friend
-be a better teammate
-read books(!!!!!!!!!!)
-sleep again for enjoyment instead of because I'm literally too exhausted to sit up.

The most frustrating thing? I feel like, from the outside, nobody would think that I'm working hard enough at any of these things to be overwhelmed. I'm learning that I'm not. Having too much to do makes it hard to be ~~good~~ mediocre at anything. I really just miss feeling like I'm good at something. I'm not trying to say that I have amazing confidence or self-esteem, but I used to feel like I was pretty decent at some things. These days, not so much. I wish I were in college...or sick. I know that sounds stupid. In college (or when I'm sick and on "anti-drowsy" meds) I could stay up all night and get things done and then finally sleep when everything was over and feel better because things were accomplished. I want one of those days. I want to stay up and do laundry, clean, plan, check papers, and get ready for OotM by Saturday...then stay up Saturday and clean and plan until it's all done, go to work Monday, and come home with a clean slate and sleep Monday night and get into my regular routine. Wouldn't that be amazing? Stay up for 3 days, face next week completely finished? Don't get me wrong. I totally understand that there will always be more. There will always be more work, more projects that I'll say "yes" to (and I don't have nearly the problem saying "no" that I used to), and more "emergencies or things that feel like emergencies at the time. But still. If I did this little strange fatigue-filled experiment then maybe I wouldn't feel like I was under water. Maybe I'd finally feel like I was over the hump.

Which begs the question, would I rather be over the hump, or just over it?

I guess we'll see. Maybe I'll be caught up...by spring break. 36 days. Or maybe not.

Proverbs 22:7

2011-02-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7

OK so- I know I don't do a lot of posts about the Bible. For a life-long churchgoer, I have a very hard time making Scripture references in daily life. However, Proverbs 22:7 has become huge in our lives in the last 4 months. Anyone who is around us knows that fifteen weeks ago, we started going to a class for Financial Peace University.

One of the biggest tenets of FPU is that you become debt-free. For us, that seemed insurmountable. I am, and always have been, a person who hates debt. I mean, seriously. I. Hate. Debt. I remember the first time after college that my credit card balance was more than I could pay all at once. I think I cried. I was so upset to have this money that I owed. All I could think was, "If I can't pay this right now, how will I ever get the money in the next month to pay it off?" Well, I didn't. That first balance was more than I could handle and I've since gone over the limit or paid late on more than one occasion. As anyone with a credit card (probably all of you) knows, my interest rates have sky rocketed. What was once a college-student-friendly credit card has become the bane of my existence. Currently the credit card has over $3,000 on it and I have since accumulated a David's Bridal card, a NY&Co card (who doesn't love occasional discounts on great clothes?), a card through my credit union for "emergencies", and a Value City Furniture card. Now, all of these cards made perfect sense to me at the time. I paid of VCF in under 12 months and was charged no interest. I paid off David's Bridal monthly so that it never carried a balance. I even had NY&Co paid off every time I bought clothes, except for once. Then I paid it off in 2 months. I considered myself to handle credit pretty well. Then I met Dave. Now, some people, I'm sure, consider themselves to love Dave Ramsey. I LOVE Dave Ramsey. It's a sickness. I tell everyone I know about DR. I talk about it at work, I talk about it with family, I talk about it on facebook. He is my favorite.

Needless to say, after starting to love the classes, getting to the Dumping Debt lesson was hard for me. I was overwhelmed by the credit debt we'd accrued and felt like there was no way out of our hole. To make matters worse, there are personal testimonies on the videos at class and all of these people were talking about how they became debt-free in 18-24 months. WHAT?! That is in.sane. I couldn't believe that these people had somehow found a way to be so "gazelle intense" that they were able to get out from under thousands of dollars of debt. On top of all that, Chris started listening to the free podcasts where people called in saying that they made $60,000 a year and had gotten out from under that same amount (or more) of debt in under 2 years. I couldn't understand it. Frankly, I still can't. However, we have been so blessed in the last 15 weeks. When we started, all of our cards had a balance. We had started Baby Step 1 (building a $1,000 emergency fund) right after our wedding. Luckily, we had a little over our $1,000 and were immediately able to pay off our "emergency" credit card. The irony is not lost on us. Immediately after, we paid off David's Bridal and NY&Co. By Christmas, all we had was this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad $3,000 credit card, a personal loan to a very generous family member from when I had tough times, my engagement ring, our wedding photographer, and the hubs' student loan. Coming off of Christmas and a death in the family, this still seemed INSANE. My only comfort was that we would be able to pay it all of in the next 5 years according to the "Debt Snowball" concept (google it, DR is a genius). Well, God came through like no. other. I realize that's a silly statement, but I've truly never experienced anything like this. We were so blessed to have unexpected circumstances like security deposit refunds, monetary gifts, and gold parties that gave us a little extra cash flow. As a result, the bane-of-my-existence credit card will be paid off after our tax return check comes in, the personal loan will be paid by June, and our wedding photographer was paid off this weekend. This has been unbelievable.

I thought, at first, that Proverbs 22:7 was silly. I mean, if you borrow money from a friend or family member, you don't *have* to be their slave. If they love you they certainly won't hold it over your head. That may be true, but I had no idea the guilt I was carrying when I was walking around owing people money. I felt so guilty having to pay people late or being unable to pay off my credit card. After 5 years of a revolving balance, my credit card will be at ZERO. What?! That's so SO freeing. I always knew that the Bible talked about money a lot. I had heard the stats on how many times the word "money" was mentioned and how the Bible spoke about having credit or owing those around you. I also knew that God wants us to use our resources for His glory. I'm so proud to say that we tithe our 10% every month, thanks to prioritizing through FPU, we're paying off debt, and we're saving money for new cars and (hopefully, someday) for a house and to start a family. It has made me feel so much more secure and, while emergencies may come, we're ready for times when it won't always be so easy. Additionally, it feels good to have become more financially stable based on Biblical and common-sense principles.

I wrote once about guilt, sin, and living in filth. I still have SO MANY things I want to change and improve about myself (and yes, my house is still dirty...or dirty again, whichever), but through FPU and its ability to highlight places that we could make our money (and our minds) work more efficiently to accomplish our purposes for our money and God's purposes for our money, I feel like I might be digging myself out of my filthy hole.

So thanks, Dave Ramsey. Thanks to Ivy Memorial Baptist Church for hosting the class. Lastly, thanks to my husband for sticking with me through 7 hours of budget re-dos or my endless questions double-checking that our bajillion envelopes are set up properly. And thanks also, honey, for running to the bank to re-deposit cash when we're able to pay someone off. I'm so glad that you support my crazy.

And seriously, even if you think you have a handle on your budget (I sure thought I did), try FPU. It's unbelievable to be 100% secure knowing that we're working toward financial peace.

Here's to a continued wonderful 2011!
And thanks for listening to my rambling. :)

things i never expected to say...

2011-02-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

So- I'm going to try to start a "series" on this blog. I mean, who am I kidding? I will have a difficult time keeping up any kind of "series" and sometimes my kids give me no material. Today, however? Yes.

Installment #1 of "Things I Never Thought Would Come Out of My Mouth"

"SERIOUSLY?! YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU JUST TIED YOURSELF TO A BOOK CART?!?!?!"

And no, there is no preface. We started to leave for the day and my line was stuck because a child had tied himself to the book cart. What. The. Heck.

Happy Tuesday! :)

welcome home...

2011-01-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Husband of Mine,
I love you. Welcome home to domestic bliss. There is a sink overflowing with dishes onto the counter (from before you and I ever left), a million piles of laundry (at least it's clean?), and a newly rearranged living room with everything out of place (or in new places) that you don't recognize...but still not *clean*. Oh, and don't forget those lovely piles of Christmas gifts on the couch I didn't put away.
But let's remember the things you did miss. You missed my face. Of course you did, right? Well, minus that while you were gone I didn't wear make-up every day and before you left I didn't even shower every day because we weren't going anywhere.
You probably missed my sweet voice, which has been yelling at kids for a week and a half because we've all caught a horrendous case of cabin fever.
You probably missed my sweet domestic skills while you were in India, but hey, I did put on our brand-spanking-new-super-comfortable sheets for you when you got home!
But what I hope you've missed most of all is the fact that having you 3/4 of the way around the world was tough...but it was good. I definitely think that it did us good. We seem better. Maybe that whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder". And now I'm just pathetic enough that I miss you when I leave in the morning, even though I know you'll be home when I get back from work. So I hope you missed my crazy-pathetic-needy-love for you...

And mostly? I hope you missed how good I am at being a homemaker...like last night when I accidentally washed a jar of Dap wall-spackle with our light delicates...

Welcome home, baby!

cuteness. personified.

2011-01-20T19:49:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has mentioned the word j-o-b to me in the last two years has heard how much I L-O-V-E mine. My kids are adorable. Seriously. Freaking. Adorable. I have 8 students this year that I have had in years past. That bond is strong. The additional 13 kids that I have gotten the pleasure of teaching this year are also incredible and never cease to make me smile...well, almost never.

Today we were discussing Grammar: what you learn to make your writing sound better. Yes, right now we're focusing on grammar in writing, not in speaking...baby steps. I have used the example of things they say, "Is we going to lunch yet?" Ummm. Yeah. Baby. Steps.

So today we discussed Questions vs. Statements. I was giving them an example because they were confused with the "being" verbs (He was running. -they said there was no "what" in his sentence...) so I told them, "I am 26." Immediately one of my girls replied, "But you look young!" Soon backed up by another student, "Really young! You do!"

Uhhhhh...thanks, guys.

So also, today I told my kids that my favorite day this week was Saturday. Some of my sweet, intuitive girls knew that it was because my husband is coming home so they wrote me cards on their own paper. Things like, "Miss Willis, I hope you have a great day on Saturday. I know you've missed him very much..."

and then my favorite one of the day...

"You're the double best teacher I could ever have."

See why my j-o-b is so awesome?

"oh oh i got a stick and i want your automatic"

2011-01-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

Outkast reference, anyone?

I thought so too. So anyway, I was thinking about this song (why?) and realized that driving a stick (at one time) was difficult, terrifying, and horrible. At the same time, it was something I really wanted. My best friend took me out one night (terrified me) and made me drive through parking lots, back roads, and neighborhoods until I got the hang of it. Have I mentioned how bomb.com my best friend is? Yeah, she basically rocks.

I realized that this year Chris and I have thought of A MILLION goals we have for this year. Terrifying, as well. We want to find him a FT job, finish up his M.Div., possibly move?, re-paint MOST of our house, purge-purge-PURGE!, organize the crap we already have/still want and set a goal for each month of our year.

Our January goal will admittedly be behind. We want to finish organizing/cleaning our office (yes, it's one of the rooms we hope to paint but not right this minute) and set up a nice, clean, open workspace for BOTH of us. Chris has school work. I have ~~facebooking~~ bills to keep me occupied. My oh-so-masculine husband looked at the Jan. edition of Better Homes & Gardens and we're trying to be in line with their month-by-month organizing/cleaning goals. Step 1: get the 3 bags of donations out on Jan. 27 when the DAV comes to pick them up. Hopefully I'll have even more bags to donate by then. The other great way we're trying to purge is our lovely FreeCycle network. Seriously. I. Love. This. Fellow Freecycler, Jennifer, freecycled me some BEAUTIFULLY colored hanging file folders. True sign of ~~nerdiness~~ awesome? Getting excited about hanging files. Indeed.

Anyway, as terrified as I am about these upcoming goals, I remember how difficult it was to learn to drive a stick shift (or wear a pointy-toed heel after years of the chunky, rubber-soled, round- and square-toed shoes of the mid-90s) and realize that I would, actually, NEVER want to drive an automatic (if I have the choice) and that my legs look better in pointy-toed heels & boots (and even flats)!

Happy Resolute-ing and goal-meeting in 2011!

it is 2011

2011-01-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

It is a new year. I mean, it's been a new year for a week. I don't really make resolutions. Last year I set a goal to read 100 books. Well, that was a bust (in that I didn't read 100 books). However, I did read WAY more books than I'd read in previous years. I also discovered new authors that I really enjoyed. I really should've done better writing down the titles though, because now I'm not sure what some books I've read were titled. Oops. Hard to recommend a book when you don't know the title...

It's also been one of the craziest years of my life. That's impressive. Truly. I thought nothing would take the cake of 2009. I was, in fact, 100% sure that 2009 was the worst year of my life. It was probably still the worst year I've had in my own head, but 2010 was a real kicker.

The year started with my divorce getting finalized and losing one of the most influential people in my life, Lisa Relaford Coston. Losing those two relationships was, well, beyond huge. It's still unbelievable to me that I won't be able to call Lisa when I have a question or just to catch up on my life. No doubt, she's smiling down on all of us who were lucky enough to be called her students. Then, my grandmother died. It is no secret that our relationship was strained, but losing someone who had been a part of my life forever was very difficult for me to handle. We'd come a long way in the last few years, and still could've been better, but the aftermath of her passing has involved my father being concerned about housing, my father/aunts/sister/cousin going into debt to pay for the funeral costs, and multiple family feuds with my crazy aunt...not really the best-case scenario.

I started dating my wonderful husband this year and that is, by far, the best thing that happened to me. I don't know how to put in to words what his love has done for me and how it has shown me love, not only from him, but from Jesus. Getting divorced did a number on my relationship with Jesus. Getting loved again did a number on it too, sometimes good and sometimes bad. I'm stubborn. I have a super hard time accepting love I think I don't deserve. Truly, my husband has had an amazing impact on me and my heart.

(Side note: I had an amazing roommate this summer. Love you, Jess Colling.)

In July, my mom came back from a cruise. She had a great time (I hated it because she was unavailable for phone calls the whole time- lame), but had dental surgery when she got home. It was hilarious, but a little scary. She was VERY out of it for two days. Then, my stepdad started whining. We were really confused because he said he felt sick but couldn't describe what it was and Mom was on pain killers and we couldn't figure out how to balance it. Then, he got jaundiced while at the dinner theater during a show. They sent him straight to the ER during intermission. Weeks later he was gearing up for surgery, meeting with Chris to grant permission to marry me, and being informed that he had pancreatic cancer. Five months later, after chemo and liquid nutrition, losing 95 pounds, and two weeks in hospice, he's gone. Wow. That's been intense. What a way to end the year. December 31, at around 9:15 p.m., my stepfather died. That's a word combination I still don't dare say out loud.

Needless to say, this first week of 2011, I haven't been too motivated to make resolutions. However, today I got inspired. I watched Nate Berkus and found ways to "transform small spaces" at my house. My husband is motivated to help me clean our house (amazing). AND on one of my favorite photography blogs re-started their Healthy Train. I'm even contemplating joining twitter just to follow the Healthy Train tweets (I initially typed teets and laughed out loud even though it's not the correct spelling). So, I'm thinking of putting that Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred to good use and actually finish my whole 30 days. My husband and I may even do our Couch-to-5k that we started this year...maybe this time do it in its entirety (?), AND my third and final goal for the next 6 months especially (until Healthy Train ends) is to get my husband to try a 90-day cycle of P90X Extreme Home Fitness Workout Program.

Super overzealous? Possibly.

I'd also like to keep working on my lesson-planning and get a few weeks ahead this winter/spring as well as start going back to the library to check out some more books. Oh...and did I mention we're trying to paint our entire downstairs (including kitchen cabinets), fix up our sunporch, and paint our stairway? Yes indeed, it could be a very productive year.

Wish us luck!

And next year, please remind me that I don't do New Year's resolutions...

last words.

2010-12-24T21:42:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I always believed a person's last words should be very telling of their life and/or death. John Adams is credited with saying, "Thomas Jefferson survives," on his death bed. I'm all for a healthy political rivalry, but even that is pretty epic. Julius Caesar's last words, "Et tu, Brute!" have clearly withstood the test of time. Television and movies portray death scenes as final moments of clarity where people can get across the absolute truth of their lifetime. They are moments when love or hatred is confessed. After all, the term "death bed confession" isn't coined for nothing. I think that if we all had our choice, beyond dying in our sleep, we'd choose to get that last moment of honesty and clarity with someone that could pass along our message, our legacy, to those who need to hear it. For some, their final words and acts become their entire legacy. For others, those final words are proof positive that they continued their good life into death.
The few times I've known someone who died suddenly, I've replayed our last meeting in my head. I've seen their loved ones replaying their last moments together to be sure to find peace. Luckily, I'm blessed with amazing people who make it their business to love their friends and family strongly every day. I, however, am paranoid. I have a habit of messing up my words. I say exactly what I mean to say, it just doesn't always come across like I intend. At 26, I haven't quite figured out how to make sure that even those closest to me understand my meaning. It's maddening to see those who so quickly understand one joke completely misinterpret another and get hurt. I'm sure it's my fault, I just don't always know how to fix it, or prevent it completely. Obviously. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually do those things on purpose.
Unfortunately, I'm in a place where I'm concerned that every word may be the last word I say to my stepdad. After 17 years, many of which I didn't want to speak with him at length, I don't know how to get across what I want him to remember. Every day this week I've agonized over what he might say before he passes. Will he be in pain? Will he be asking for medication? Will he be crying out? It seems that he is feeling more peaceful with every passing moment. For that I could not be more grateful. I've also realized, since he is not dying suddenly or unexpectedly, we've been given the fleeting gift of time. We've said things in the last 5 days that we waited 10 years to say. I could sit here and regret that we didn't say them sooner, I really could. Some things I think could've come up, for sure. Mostly though, we left things unsaid that would've hurt each other or those around us. If we had time, I'm positive we would've aired out some dirty laundry and healed up some old wounds. Fact is, we don't have that time. We don't get to "live" on the other side of the resolution. We don't get to have the family memories free of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. That is what I'm sad for. I can't be regretful, I haven't lived those moments yet. But in years to come, I know that I will think, it would've been nice for this moment to come and all of us to be here happily. In those moments, it will bring me comfort to know that he will be somewhere far more joyful than the moment, but selfishly, I can't help but wish we'd all been a little more aware of our time.
To say that actions speak louder than words would be the understatement of a lifetime, literally. We both know that our actions have hurt each other, that has also gone without saying. We've apologized for things we haven't acknowledged. I'm honestly not even sure we're on the same page about our apologies, but it doesn't matter. And since I can't end every sentence with "I love you," or "I'll miss you," I've come to realize that he can still hear it when I say, "Could I get you some more soda?"

Steve, Tonight we sang "I"ll Be Home for Christmas". It's been your anthem all week. But today I had to finish it because you'd forgotten the words. That was strange for me. You always correct me on words, even in other languages. Maybe there's something poetic, in case it's your last night, about our last words being, "I"ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams." Maybe you will be Home, but you won't be here anymore. Maybe from now on we'll have to settle for being with you in our dreams. I'm strangely glad that I got to sing it to you. You haven't typically thanked me for singing a song and as strange as I would've thought this at 16, or even 22, I'm sure you will be in my dreams at Christmas for years to come. Those were maybe good last words, even if we're lucky enough to have more tomorrow.

But I do love you. And I will miss you. More than I ever would've come out and said.

2010-06-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

Well well...when it rains it pours. That apparently is the case with life events and my blogging. I get behind, I stop blogging, I read books (or don't) and then it all catches up at once. This is a normal old blog post in case you subscribe in a reader (which I assume you don't, but it boosts my confidence to dream)...but there's nothing fun and literary. Not even pictures.

I know. I suck.

Last week was my last week of school. Yes. I cried.

In fact, that may not even being to describe it. Wednesday went a little like this...get kids settled, FIRE DRILL @ 9:25 (not a drill, actually, a kitchen sensor went off and we had to evacuate...with parents in the building for an awards assembly), rush kids back in the building to start the 9:30 awards assembly, get them seated and realize that my awards are in the wrong order, squat in the floor putting them in the right order, get called up right after that, and get ready to present awards...oh, and I forgot to mention, get an email that leaves me hanging so I'm freaking out until I find out what it's about...awesome. Have I mentioned patience is not a virtue I possess?

That brings me to presenting my awards. I love crowds. I also hate crowds. When I have to speak in front of parents/colleagues/administrators, I have a serious fear that I sound/look 12 years old and they think I'm an idiot. So, I start presenting my awards and thank all of my amazing parents/grandparents/students and then I get emotional and my throat closes up and my eyes water. *cue voice in my head* No, Jessica. Not right now. You have to stop looking like a wuss.*

Deep breath. Get it together.

OK. Keep reading awards...finish assembly. Victory?

No. We got back to the classroom where I presented superlative-type awards based on talents that may not be academic/data-based. I had amazing kids (in case you didn't notice) who were silly, creative, artistic, athletic, sensitive, caring, and full of knowledge. I gave awards accordingly. So...all of the parents come in and stand near their child or in the back of the room. The kids are eager to know what other awards they're getting (they'd already received at least 2) and then the tears pour (yes, I used bold, italic, and underline--it was that bad) down my face. I tried to thank them for sharing their kids. I tried to talk about how great their kids were and how much I love them. I lost the battle. I actually asked them to give me a second because (oh yeah, my contacts completely disintegrated and I was wearing my glasses) I couldn't read the names/titles on the certificates.

Pathetic.

To make things more insane...my good friend Jess called me asking if I had a place to stay because she needed to move out of her current housing and find a place until August 1st. Now, many of you may not know Jess but, she's awesome so it is super exciting to have her staying with me for 6 weeks. Many of you may not know me well but, I'm super broke, so the extra money helps. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a good enough person to let people stay rent free. Also, Jess is too wonderful not to offer. I tell ya, she rocks. Anyway, I've known Jess for years and it's super fun to have someone else around. The cats LOVE it. Seriously, I'll take pictures of Cricket being INSANE because he loves having the attention of someone new. It's hilarious.

Also, my dear friend Brice and his lovely girlfriend, Emily were coming to stay for a wedding they were going to this past weekend...and I got way behind when packing up for the school year so I had to stay and pack things (still not finished) in my classroom that I hadn't thought I would pack. So...in 3 days I rearranged my shed, cleared out the guest room (don't look in my office), cleaned the bathroom, moved furniture, and packed up almost all of my classroom. Then I had 3 new people in my house (which was super fun), still had a boyfriend with poison ivy (finally clearing up after more than a week, poor guy-- did I mention my yard looks good?), and- oh right- took him home to meet my entire family. Then my stomach started killing me like it hasn't done in two months. As I drove back from Spotsylvania last night I casually mentioned to him that, oh yeah, my doctor said I shouldn't stress because it might flare up my stomach. Oops.

Super upsides of the weekend: amazing company, a great new roommate, healing poison ivy, and getting to see two of my ADORABLE girls in a dance/gymnastics recital that they ROCKED! :-)

Anyway, today was the first day of summer. I went to two sessions that will take care of some professional development guilt that I had and tomorrow I'm going to pack the rest of my room. Wednesday? Beach? Obviously.

falling behind...

2010-06-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

As behind as I've gotten in my quest for 100 books, I've fallen even further behind in blogging about the books I've read. Apparently, my emotional ties to books are a lot to overcome and I had a difficult time figuring out how to talk about the next book I read...so I waited until I'd read even more after that to write the blog.

I finished The Time Traveler's Wife quite a while back. I did cry my eyes out...for a LONG time. Basically, I was inconsolable. I knew what was going to happen because I had seen the movie. I'd even heard that in some instances, the book was not as good as the movie. This is always hard for me to believe because I love the written word, but I can see that point of view after reading the book. Typically I hate watching movies if I haven't read books, but in this case I'm glad I did. For one, if I hadn't watched the movie I would not have been at all prepared for what was coming at the end of the book and I can't imagine how upset I would've been. For two, watching the movie helped me understand the jumps in time that you see in the book. It was much easier for me to understand what it meant that Henry was 33 and 42 (random example, not necessarily accurate) at a certain point in time because I could picture it from the movie. **Added bonus** Who doesn't want to picture Eric Bana multiple times a night? I know I sure do.

The book was awesome. I know a lot of people couldn't get as emotionally involved with this novel as with some others, but I was reeled in hook, line, and sinker. I thought it was well written and I appreciated that the book referenced the characters' hobbies/careers more. For example, Henry is a librarian and the book has excerpts and quotes from books, poems, songs, etc throughout. I really love that. Really. Love it. I just felt like the book had a lot of things that I generally love as a human being...and also a bunch of things I love in a book. I realize that may be the most vague way to describe the book. I liked Niffenegger's writing. Even though the time traveling bit was still confusing, she handled it well and after a while it made sense. I love the whole element of time travel because anything slightly supernatural makes me excited.

As a love story, holy. crap. Claire & Henry are the stuff my dreams are made of. Unfortunately, I have bad dreams too. They fulfilled all of those quite well. Anyone who knows me very personally knows I have crazy concerns about tragic endings to life. Not like, "Oh, man, what a sad way to go. It would be so sad to lose my husband/boyfriend/significant other like that..." but like, "I feel like one of us will tragically die before the age of 35." Yeah. Paranoia strikes again.

So the fact that Henry dies in his 40s, all of his biggest fears/worries come true, and they have limited time together due to the history of time traveling? Yeah. Basically cut straight to my heart.

Again. Inconsolable. Ask Chris. He listened to me on the phone while I finished because I was too upset to finish alone.

Next up! Bleachers by John Grisham

I read Grisham's book Playing for Pizza and talked about it here, and I really enjoyed it. It was light, simple, and not super emotional. I had heard I would like Bleachers even more-- and I did. It's about a high school quarterback 15 years later who comes back because his jerk of a coach has finally died. However, the jerk of a coach was the best coach the town had ever seen and the town revolved around football. I'm not a huge football fan by any means, but I am a huge fan of homecoming stories. I really liked it. That's about all I can say. I thought it really discussed the character's feelings without being overly mushy. I liked that it was about a guy because so many novels I read are about girls...and I thought the guy sounded kinda hot, not gonna lie. I also love old people, even if they're jerks. Needless to say an old man dying still gets me interested. I like a good back story. Grisham also did well explaining where the late coach was coming from after the fact, making everyone feel better about who he was as a person and a coach. Well done. Also--super easy to read.

Last up for now...

Look Again by Lisa Scottoline

Oh. Man. This book was unexpectedly good. Lisa Scottoline is a new author for me, I've never read any of her books but plan to start a.s.a.p. My lovely school nurse, Mary Poole, recommended this book to me and I literally couldn't put it down. I started reading it on a Sunday, got a crazy case of insomnia that night, and finished it at 3 a.m. Monday. Awesome. The basic plot is that a single mom has adopted a little boy and loves him dearly, however, gets a "Missing Child" flyer with his picture on it and realizes her child might not have been hers to take. Anyway, that sounds boring and super -esque...but it's not. It involves crime and murder and high drama. I love that crap.

I super recommend it for anyone who likes crime/secrets/hot bosses/cute kids. I, fortunately, like them all. Great beach read too, now that it's the FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!!!!!!!! :-)

Happy Reading! I also apologize for the long wait...I'm reading a book that I'm pretty sure will make me cry. I'll be sure to post about it soon.

my first You Capture! :)

2010-05-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

So my friend Lindsey Collins told me about Beth's blog, I've been reading faithfully at every post. Lindsey originally told me so that I could start taking pictures for Beth's You Capture series. I have yet to participate. My last post was about my longing desires to participate...but alas, it was two weeks too late.

So this week she did a You Capture- Sky "assignment". I was really pumped about this assignment...but as soon as I went to take pictures, I ended up being out of town and photographing a family party instead of the sky. Good thing, that day was drenching with downpours.

Anyhow, yesterday I had the camera and realized that it was Wednesday and I could finally participate on a Thursday if I could get my blog post done! Lucky for me, we had a resource today at our normal time so I can blog to you!...not necessarily so lucky for you, sorry. :)

Here are some pictures I took from the church parking lot last night of the sky!

The clouds looked really amazing over the softball field last night.

I couldn't resist taking this picture in my sunroof. I really like how it came out. And Greg was there supervising.

The next ones are the sequence that I took as the clouds were turning pink. There were too many trees to see the really good views of the pink/purple/orange clouds, but the steeple looked really pretty.

Now, at this point my favorite subject, the moon, came out. I was super pumped. One of these pictures may be too dark to see but if you can, it looks pretty cool. The laptop screen had to be tilted a bit, but I could still make it work if I tried really hard.

That's all for my very first You Capture!

and you were all yellow

2010-05-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm about to tell you something shocking: yellow is my favorite color. I know. I know. Hold your surprise (at least those of you who know me on a regular basis).

I wear yellow...a lot. Today, in fact, I have a yellow tank top under a gray shirt. Yesterday I wore a yellow button-down with white stripes...the day before I wore lime green with a yellow shirt...Monday I'm pretty sure I got covered...Sunday was yellow flip flops to church, you get the picture. Oh, and my new Tervis Tumbler that my boyfriend bought me for my half birthday? It has a yellow straw. It's a thing. I don't know why I started loving it so much, but I do.

Two weeks ago over on youcapture the assignment was "yellow". Well, I suck at buying things in a timely manner and I had no more batteries. (Thanks to the suggest at greenissexy I bought reusable ones.) So I took picture of *everything* I could find that was yellow to highlight my obsession.

Even though I didn't get it all done in time to post on Beth's blog, I had all of these pictures of deliciously yellow things on my camera and I needed to share it. It's a beautiful day today, but they're calling for rain this week/weekend. So, once you've gotten out of bed from your gorgeous rain-nap this weekend (seriously, rain naps are the best ever)...or perhaps, once you've pulled your laptop in bed with you during your rainy napping, take a look at the yellow goodness in my life (and please pardon the messiness of my room).

Have a SUNNY Thursday!

I have to highlight these Jessica Simpson shoes I got for $8 at Plato's Closet. And also my cat trying to keep me from putting away the laundry.

Love Love LOVE this purse from NY & Co. last year.

This is my bomb.com clock from Target that I got for $7 I think? It's going to be amazing in my kitchen once I repaint this summer...did I mention the kitchen will be yellow?

I've been known to like daisies from time to time, and this is the daisy basket my fabulous stepsister got me from Longaberger a few years ago. The buttery yellow center makes me wish it were summer all year long.

This happens to be the trusty water bottle that I misplace on a regular basis in my classroom. My kids 100% associate me with this water bottle and also are *amazing* at finding it when I seem to have "lost" it...daily.

I know, I know...it's not oriented properly...but it's my favorite yellow t-shirt and it's all about being green...plus it has a panda bear on it. :) And...it benefited the WWF (World Widelife Foundation...not World Wrestling Federation) when I bought it. *cough* mom bought it *cough*.

No seriously, how could I hate being in the kitchen with these guys keeping me company.

My kitchen is a fun place. Favorite cup w/ built-in straw and lemony-delicious hand soap. Seriously, nothing says kitchen soap like the scent of lemon. Also, magnets on the fridge...never been used...happen to say "love liquor awesome"...not denying it.

I love yellow trash cans. It's no secret. I also love yellow tulips. They were for Mother's Day from my stepdad...just to ensure that one day I would be a mother? Not really sure. Just loved having them in my room. :)

Conveniently this all took place while I was fruitlessly laboring to get my clothes put away...so I threw a few shoes on top (and apparently a cat) and displayed my yellow-loving wardrobe to the world. There are 2 robes, 3 dresses, 5 shirts, 4 pairs of shoes, a scarf, and a hoodie in that pile...maybe more.

What's your favorite color? :)